I sit here and wonder where will Heidi end up moving too or will she find work in San Diego. My life seems to be drowning and she has no issues. Then again she took $1.2 million from me in the divorce so she is well funded. If she would pay me back then things would be easy, but that will never happen.

She has stopped talking to me even via texts. She is obviously getting a lot of issues with being unemployed. She does not seem to be able to handle life in an appropriate manner. She will continue to not love my children and make my daughter’s heart hurt.

Typical Borderline she destroys more than she creates. That is what will be her life forever until she finds work or dies from anorexia. At some point in time she will start fainting and then have some seizure issues.

I really hate thinking about moving back to San Diego. Joy has destroyed all my relationships in NC3. No one seems to care since Karsten throws the parties. What a strange reality where the people in a ministry do not even think about how they are defining the ministry or church.

There are days when I want vengeance. But I really want peace. Something that the Foundry will never be able to provide. To many destructive personalities in the group. I hope God will get me a internship with Saddleback in SD, but it will be a fight. I just need to get Phil on board.

On day I will die and that will be the end of everything. Hopefully that day will come soon so I don’t have to deal with Heidi so much. Or maybe she will pass this year and make all of our lives happy!

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