The price for my condo keeps dropping. I can’t seem to get any action on the job market. It feels as if life is over for me. I can’t get this feeling out of my head that I just need to slit my wrists and get it all over with.

I would rather starve to death then live anymore. I know anorexia is a slow and painful process, but I might as well get started. Without resources, there is nothing left in this world. No money no problems.

What I really want to do is fly away from San Diego. I don’t even know I am still around here. There is no hope for me here anymore. Alan at GT isn’t going to help me. He would rather help my Heidi. It’s a damn shame when the rich get richer and the poor starve to death. Maybe that is what I am meant to do? Starve to death.

I know the kids will miss me. I’m the only one who loves them. But at some point in time there is nothing left for me in this world but hunger and desire that cannot be fulfilled. There is a place for hope, but I’m not finding it anymore. With all I have been through it would be nice if Heidi died first and make all of our loves easier, but evil never dies.

You can’t tell hypocrite that they are wrong. They always have an argument for their truth.

I’m really just tired. I wish I could just sleep the rest of my life, but that doesn’t work either. At some point in time I will starve without food and my children will be devastated. They will hate Heidi with a passion for starving me out and then hate her forever. The only parent that lives them will die soon, because I believed in something that does not seem to exist for me – love.

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