I sit here and wonder what has GOD got in store for me. I wonder what his plans are if any? I keep thinking I will end up starving soon. The money isn’t coming around and the end is getting bleak. I cannot believe that my Father would rather have me starve to death than help him out. But then, what doesn’t have to offer anyone anymore.

I have little cash funds unless the condo sells. And even then I will have less than what I would like. No motorcycle, or other interest that would keep me engaged in life. Just school and pain and suffering.

Is that the kind of life is this? I used to make real money and now that Heidi is unemployed I am wondering what I should do. Jobs are not forthcoming, and in the interest of time, I should just start to starve myself. That will make the money last longer. Besides being thin is in right now and being anorexic for a while would help.

People resonate with people who are thin. They are more attractive and maybe that would help with dating. Maybe not…no money no dating. At least Heidi is rich and can take care of the children after I’m gone.

Maybe this is all for the best? If I’m not around I won’t see Heidi destroy my children.

Maybe God has other plans for me? Plans for hope and to prosper. At least I hope so…

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