Yesterday was my birthday. My kids and I had fun with my parents. I still can’t shake the feeling that God has withdrawn from me. All I feel around me is starving to death. I can’t keep this mindset up to much longer before I give in and just decide to let go.

My realtor can’t find a buyer for my condo and I will end up paying for two places until it is sold. That is not what I want, but since Heidi stole $1.2 million from me in the divorce and since she is out of work I don’t expect to see it forthcoming. Maybe it is time to just lay down and die.

Nothing seems to be working out for me. No fancy cars, or dating or anything. I may as well pack it in and decide to pass early. There is no way I can help my kids unemployed and no way to help from starving to death. The saddest part is Heidi is getting smaller again. I’m guessing her anorexia is in overdrive without a job. She must really be hating herself to destroy her life for her boyfriend.

It doesn’t make sense to me. She is wealthy and can withstand a long unemployment while I cannot anymore. Without the money from the condo, I will starve to death soon. Without financial assistance, I will pass and the kids will be stuck with a monster. I don’t know what to do anymore. San Diego has not been pleasant to me. Nor has Orange County. Maybe it is time to pack it in and just let nature take its course.

Without money or love, life is not worth living I guess.

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