I wasn’t keeping track of time and by the time I figured it out, it was too late. That’s what I hate about Heidi right now. She won’t initiate anything anymore with her job loss. At least I got my payment.

Moving to Escondido will require a lot of packing again. Also a lot of giving to Goodwill. I hate having to move down and packing again. At least a lot of it is already packed. Just the kitchen and the kid’s rooms. I will have to hire movers again which will take away from my net fees. I should still be able to take care of myself at Seminary with some additional funds for fun. At least I will cut out a lot of expenses for dating. It will be nice to get back out there.

It sucks that Heidi takes no responsibility for the kids anymore. She blames my son and my daughter for everything and takes no responsibility for anything. She always has an excuse but never blames herself. It’s always hard to get her to take responsibility for anything.

I think the job loss has affected her more then she is willing to admit. I know her life has always revolved around success at work, but this will demoralize her in ways I can’t understand. She seems to be getting smaller and making poor choices. I hope she finds a way to be happy without Chris. At some time that relationship will fade when she moves for a job.

That will kill me since I will miss the kids terribly since I will not see them as much. Something tells me she will move to LA or San Fransisco to find work. When that happens I have a choice of keeping both the kids or neither. My son does not want to be left alone with her ”the evil one.” I understand his position, but it would be easier with just my daughter. I can help her more than my son. I wish things would work out differently, but maybe it’s not meant to be.

Maybe I just need to be free again.

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