3/24/19 – Heidi Had Sex With Five Guys After Her St Patrick’s Day Party

What a whore? I can’t believe she would do such a thing. I guess that’s the abuse that BPD’s like. It’s not a healthy choice since none of them wore condoms.

At some point in time she is going to get HIV and then kill both of my children. This is why I want to leave the state. In California, a child has a right to a sibling over the parent. I can see take both of them away from Heidi. She does not love them or wants them. She destroys the children by never being home. They have a better relationship with the babysitter then with there mom.

That’s the saddest part. She is going to die one day and kill both of my children. I don’t want to be around for that. She is going to get HIV and destroy both of my children. That’s the biggest problem! She does not love them and cannot stand them at all. She hates my children because they interfere with her abuse. That’s the saddest part of BPD. She destroys everything and keeps nothing whole.

3/10/19 – Heidi Is Going Crazy Over Custody Schedules

We are going to go to mediation, which means we don’t have to go by the State of California law. But she wants, demands that we adhere to it. There is a time and place for moving to Austin, I don’t think right now is the time.

What happens if she dies soon? Will she kill one or both of my kids? At least I am safe from her constant harassment. My son called me last week to complain about his mom. He is the one I see in the reflection drowning in blood. When I took a picture a couple of days ago he waved at me. I thought that was funny since he knows I always wave at him. Funny to see the demons make him wave. He was also dressed in normal clothes.

I guess the danger is still there. There will always be a danger with her in the picture. She doesn’t care about the kids, only her need for self-gratification. That’s her issue and it will die with her one-day. I just hope I am there to see it, without having to bury both of my kids.

3/7/19 – Now I See Both Kids In The Neighbors Window

I am not sure if the demons are messing with me or there really is an omen. I would hate to see both of my kids die soon. That would be a tragedy. Heidi does not seem to care about herself or the kids. It’s like they don’t exist in her world.

That’s the saddest part, my son knows she hates him, and my daughter only knows she loves her a little bit. They both know I love them a lot, and I would hate for both of them to die soon. That would be a tragedy of epic proportions.

It would suck having to identify my children bodies, and having to bury them. That would totally suck at my age. I don’t what I would do then.

Maybe I’m just stressed and that is the issue. Heidi seems to be going off the rails, and does not seem to care about her kids. That is the sad part, she has no idea of how destructive she is to my kids. No one wants to grow up unloved!

3/5/19 – Still Thinking About Austin

Kansas is married, and she doesn’t like me. I saw her two days ago, and she had her husband speed up so I wouldn’t know where they went.

I think Austin is the best option for me. My son called a couple of times last night, but I was already asleep. I think Heidi tried to hurt him. If that is the case, then I have no choice but to take him with me. That’s not fair to him.

There is always an issue with Heidi. She doesn’t care about herself or others. She just cares about herself and her insanity. She doesn’t love anyone but herself and never will like anyone else, but herself. She is always trying to destroy others and never tho is about anyone else but herself. She is a destructive force that knows no love, compassion, or mercy for anyone. One day she will die, and things will end over their.

They will be my children and no one will love them the way that I do. That is the one thing I have that they don’t get from Heidi. ❤️

At some point in time, I need to leave this insanity behind me and watch the world from a distance. There will always be a place for me in this world. Just not in So Cal.

2/26/19 – I Sit At VW Services

I’m trying to figure out what all of this insanity really means. I found pictures of Heidi having sex with women, and I think she may be bisexual. The problem is that the insanity will continue until she dies. If she has a heart attack on the freeway, then everyone dies.

That’s my biggest fear is that I will be left alone in this world without my kids. I love them, but she uses them for money. She doesn’t even like my son, and she only pretends to like my daughter. One day they will all be gone and I will be left alone wondering what the hell happened to my life.

I know she is a Borderline and has no moral or ethical construct to develop into something amazing. If I want to send the pictures to her boss at EY she would be fired. Then maybe she would kill herself. She knows what it’s like to steal money from my kids and the repercussions for it. Like a black eye!

I hope at some point she does kill herself and doesn’t kill one of my kids. That’s the point, I love them and she doesn’t.

She started changing my blog again, and I threatened to leave the state if she did it again, and leave the kids with her full time. A fresh start for me in Austin. Maybe I can find some work there? There are a lot of tax jobs out there I just need to network with the right people to land one. I’ve been on my own for so long, that they think I can’t handle the stress of my job. Oh well, Heidi will eventually kill everyone in that house and I will be left alone unless she kills herself first. That would be the best plan. Keep my children safe.

The real problem with BPD’s is the narcissism that goes with them. They have no moral or ethical construct and they don’t care about anyone but themselves. That’s the dilemma. If she destroys herself then she will destroy my kids. If she cares so little about them she will destroy them from the inside out.

My daughter is going to be a histrionic, like Joy Houle. Always selfish, never loving or in control. She cheated on me, but she lies about it so people don’t know. That’s what histrionics do. They lie to cover up their failures.

2/19/19 – The Demons Have Omens

It is interesting to see how the demons play with your mind. Right now there is an omen about my son in the reflection of my neighbors house. He is into dark magic.

It shows my son covered in blood. It is a very ominous looking reality. I hope it is not an omen, but just an internal manifestation of my fear. One day he may die, but I’m hoping it’s not today!

2/7/19 – Still Missing My Kids

It’s a sad day when you realize that your kids are not in your life. One day they are here, and the next they are gone. The saddest part is their Mom never stays home on the weekdays. She is too busy trying to make friends and always is more involved in her boyfriend than anyone else.

She threatened me the day my son got his cast out on. She told me I was harassing her. She has pictures on porn sites, and she even takes some of them. I can tell her with her anorexia. The skin is sagging and gross. She no longer has breasts, and I am hoping one day she will just up and die.

Anorexia takes approximately 20% of the loves that live in that reality. I’m hoping she will eventually succumb to the final outcome, and allow me to take care of the kids. It’s a sad reality to have to weight for my ex-wife to die and there is a serious need for me to leave the state.

My son would hate that since he would subject to the abuse Heidi inflicts on him daily. There is a sad state of affairs when your children hate their mom and wish that they loved with me. The demons at my school and constantly harassing me and scratching me, and putting strange ideas into my head. I keep having this view that Heidi will eventually kill one or both of my children without any remorse. That will be a sad day to bury my kids!