11/12/15 – She Pushed Him Too

So I had the kids last night and there was a lot of “wants” and “compromises” between the two. Daughter is really getting into the “it’s not fair” related to Sons decisions.

The tough part was trying to get Son to tell his teachers and school psychologist what Hunter did last Thursday. Son reinacted the whole thing and then and that’s when he told me that after she pulled his hair she grabbed him hard  by the arm and led him to his room and then pushed him in the back so hard that he fell on the floor of his room. He physically acts out the entire scene in front of me and his sister. This breaks my heart that. No one should have to go through this, and everyone believes little Hunter being lied and debased by me for the kids.

Amazing how she texts me his meltdowns are normal and how exactly he can retell the story with her insanity built into it. I had to go through this for a long time before I had the courage to confront her. For me it was about Chris, but now I know it’s just her mental illness. And of course Jessie and New Haven did nothing but cover up the abuse for the sake of the “mom.”

Unfortunately Son started shaking and rocking on the floor when I told him to tell his teacher and psychologist. He told me his fear was they would not believe him and not like him or help him. I assured him they would, but like a battered person he won’t speak up.

I guess I am there too. Too afraid that they would make him a ward of the state before giving him to me and that would destroy him. He doesn’t deserve that either. I pray he keeps it together enough so that when he get strong he will tell the truth and allow God to set him free to come home to me and live in a safe place.

I bought the house in a safe neighborhood and the best district and close to the top elementary. It’s close to my work and a block from a park and a pool. We wouldn’t live rich, but he would be loved and safe. Right now love to him is getting ice cream and a movie. When he is older he will know it’s a warm smile and always being there for him without fear of yelling or physical abuse.

I hope my prayers are answered for his sake or at least Hunter gets the help she needs to stop hurting him. As he gets bigger he will become the abuser if she keeps this shit up. By then there won’t be much I can do.

11/8/15 – Hunter Pulls His Hair

This is how amazing Hunter is. When I pick up my son he tells me that he called mom all the names I used to call her. I ask why. He tells me a story about how he was getting upset and his mom was trying to help but he couldn’t control his anger. Then he tells me pulled her hair and she pulled his hair in return. Then she threw him in his room. Then he tried to throw the trampoline over the balcony. Luckily it was stopped before he broke the glass table.

Funny enough Jessie heard what he said but did not see the hair pulling as she was down stairs. That is how amazing Hunter is. She can physically abuse my son in the presence of a social worker who is too busy telling my son to mind his own business and not worry about adult stuff.

All of this because as a woman she cares about women not about children. So she will ignore the atrocities committed by my ex wife to make she keeps the son. This is how horrible the world is these days.

Did some house hunting and showed Daughter the house I was looking at. She wants me to buy it even if it is “small.” We shall see. It is far away (14 miles – 30 minutes from the kids), but closer to work (11 miles – 20 minutes).  Del Sur unfortunately is in the middle of no-where suburbia so I want have a lot of single people to mingle with. It will take time to travel so I will eventually need to figure out a more gas and high mileage car alternative. That can always wait until VW gets its diesel issues fixed.

Today Son is demanding a lot. I think withThursday there is some residual issues. He demanding eating in last night, but gave Daughter the choice of movie. He demanded ice cream instead of candy for dessert. He has demanded not to go to church. Daughter doesn’t want to go either. Part of that was predicated on Son losing at Battle Ship. That game rarely works out and he has only won once.

He wants to go home away from his sister. Once he found out she was at church he said no.

I sent Hunter a text about and she gave me a similar story without her hair pulling obviously. It came with the snark remark about it happens every week. I wonder why she wants to put all of this through it, but she needs a reason to have a crappy life (Patrick, me, Chris, Son) and she doesn’t want to give up any money.

She is determined to destroy this family. Ok just sure she doesn’t know why or how to fix it.

I just need to let go until she gives me one or both or none. We shall see.

10/28/15 – She Fucks Me on the Parent Teacher Meeting

How fucking amazing is she? Completely buying into her new world and I’m the asshole and she is fresh new and free for a second chance.

After agreeing to skip the parent teacher conference because of the IEP she goes to it anyways.

I text her this morning when it pops up on my phone since it is still on the calendar to see if we are still on. There is enough time for me to make it. No response. So not only did she fuck me but then she doesn’t respond to the text to make sure I don’t go.

Add this to the “mix-up” on the psychiatrist appointment calendar and it would appear to an outsider that I am no longer interested in my son when I am the only one of us who actually cares about him for his sake. It makes me think that she is going to try something. Sad day is she did that. My parents would withdraw the help and her life would evaporate and the kids would be in hell without me. So would Hunter. I hope God helps us all to be free from each other while still giving me the kids.

I text her another time and email the teacher and Hunter tells me that she went. I text her the truth and she ignores it, but continues to text about needing my parents to watch Son.

Always me helping her. Her never helping anyone. Control lies manipulation is the only things she knows. It is going to be a sad day in her life when she realizes no one is there to help her anymore. My parents will get older and I will be moved away and she will have to do it all herself and that will be financial travesty for me.

I hope God will provide. So far the audits guys are driving a lot of business my way and Golden has finally decided to give me a few recurring clients. Maybe things will work out well there and my kids. Time to get a new house and a new life.

10/26/15 – She Changed The Notes Again

Not sure when she did it. But over the last month or two she rewrote her notes. At least these are in chronological order. Funny to see that she moved some of the lines about guns into new entries. I guess if it is a good line then your should use it even  it’s not true.

The sad part is I know that part of this comes from fear and embarrassment. The kids aren’t doing well with her. She isn’t having the fantasy live she thought she would have after the divorce. All the money in the world can’t bring her happiness, and she thinks making me the bad guy will make it better.

Even worse I’d i try not to even engage her anymore. I don’t talk to her when she picks up the kids. I just let them cross the street to her when it’s safe. I try not to talk at all to her when I pick up the kids just yes or no. This week was can you drop off Daughter since Son was going to my parents.

When she offdropped her  I didn’t even see her. Just stood in the bathroom and let her say her goodbyes. Funny all those texts about how I am nothing to her after the divorce and she still relies on me to help her.

Like this morning when she texted me to help with Son’s school snack donation. She could have sent it on Friday or Tuesday. Why Monday? To let me know she paid for things, and to be in contact. She does it to try and get under my skin.

The last verse in church yesterday (where she sat a couple rooted in front on Son and I) was Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

I listen to this and think how lonely Hunter must be and that I need to find a way to be kind and loving and forgiving and then I read this shit. Probably just more reasons to do those thugs and walk away.

Funny when I was looking for the quote I got 1 Peters 5:6,

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

I guess I just need to be humble and loving and compassionate but from a protected distance. She is still a scorpion posing as an abandoned kitty cat. She is always dangerous. I can’t tell if it will be worse when she has a boyfriend or not. Will it give her strength to push an agenda or fear that I will blow it up which means more indirect damage.

The worst part means that her family will never be in the same room as me for the kids (brother excluded). She has lied too much to make that work for them.

9/29/15 – Losing It With The Counselors

I got an email from Hunter talking about some things and that they had in-home therapy yesterday. Jessie had a family emergency on Thursday. I asked Jessie what happened and she forwards the email to Hunter.

I lose it. I send her an email stating that I want to talk to her supervisor. She sends me a defensive email saying she is always transparent with communication between us.

I rail on her in front of her supervisor and Brittany via email outlining the lies. It’s all about transparency when it is to Hunter and never transparent between Hunter and I. Jessie never includes me on anything, but always wants to inform Hunter on everything.

I call her supervisor and demand a call back. It never happened.

I am so tired of this system that will destroy the father and the child to keep the children with the mother. There is nothing in this world that is fair. Nothing seems to be true to what I think should be the truth. Just women destroying men and separating them from their children for no other reasons that they are women. If Jessie was clear headed and not projecting shit into my life she would give me Son. But that goes against the code.

I was sick to my stomach afterwards for hours. I just can’t handle this anymore. There just seems that nothing I do is right or helpful. If I do nothing I get calls and texts from Hunter. If I go off Hunter prevents the kids from calling me.

There is nothing but pain and I don’t want this anymore. I love those kids, but the system won’t let me have them. I can only keep praying that God will protect them in my absence. I hope something in Hunter breaks and gives them to me. Or at least Son so that I can help him more. Hunter doesn’t have the ability too.

9/28/15 – Son’s Hurting

For the most part this weekend was a good one. Out with a friend for happy hour on Friday, and my kids the rest of the week. Unfortunately, I didn’t read the fine print on the MSA and Hunter has control of the 529’s. I email her on Saturday, and she emails me Sunday night about it. Blah, blah, blah…

The hard part was midday Sunday. Daughter takes an early nap and my son comes out of his room sad. I ask him what’s up, and he tells me doesn’t think I want to play with him.

I tell him of course I do, but can we play a real world game instead of his made up ones since I never know how to play those. He says ok.

I ask him why he thinks I don’t want to play with him and he says be used he thought I wanted to take a nap. I told him I was just watching the Charger game.

I ask him if mom plays with him and he said only if he asks. That’s what makes me different I usually ask. (Now I know I have to ask everyday he comes over – it’s routined now).

Then he goes on to tell me about how Hunter calls him “crap” “a crappy son” why does he always treat her like crap?” “She calls me crap a lot.” I have my arms around him – hugging him- and I feel his tears roll down my arm. I’m heart broken, but I can’t cry too. I need to just let it go and love him. Let him know that he is loved and safe and wanted in my home.

I try and tape him saying these things but he is uncomfortable so I stop. That’s when he tells me he wants to live with me and tell a judge. I tell him I will try but his mom won’t let it happen. I know with what his Psychiatrist said on Friday (that he will prescribe additional Abikify without my consent), and Jessie and Brittany from Haven House telling me they don’t care what I say they only care about what they see, there is no one to support me.

The worst part is Hunter has taken and hidden his Kindle and Solar System book from him for at least a week. Son says two, but Connie could only confirm the last week.

It’s so hard to sit here and see what she is doing to him. Eventually, this sadness will turn to anger inside him and then he will grow mean. Right now he is hurting and unable to control the neural storms in his head. Once that hurting grows cold and angry he is going to be a force to reckon with and Hunter will have no idea what a monster she has created.

Unless God intervenes, there is nothing for me to do but watch and detach from the pain. Just keep a safe house of love and joy for him when he is around. And pray that God will solve this mess before it’s too late.

9/23/15 – She Keeps Contacting Me

It’s one thing to tell me never to text her. It’s another thing to call me when she can’t handle Son and emailing me things for us to do on my time. There is a super moon eclipse this Sunday…

Yeah I know. Won’t be another one for almost twenty years. I don’t need an email from her to go over it. I don’t need separate emails about birthday parties. I just want to be free of her and I’m getting the feeling she won’t let me.

I wish she actually had a boyfriend. Maybe she would leave me alone.