12/23/16 – She Is Trying To Give Up Time With The Kids

Another day, another request to give up her time with the kids. I am getting tired of sacrificing my life for this bitch who abuses my children and ignores them for a hookup with the boyfriend.

What are my children going to be like when they are older? Living a life being unmoved and abused. I know. They will be like me. Always searching outside of myself for love because I never had any for myself. It was never instilled inside of me when I was a kid and it’s difficult to find it there as an adult.

That’s why I married Heidi. She was the first person to make me feel loved. And now my life is devastated for it. 

I can’t spend my life this way. I need to find a way into happiness and the light.

12/21/16 – Stealing From Me Again

The last tranch of Qualcomm stock she owed me still hasn’t come through, but eTrade is fixing that this week. The stock is supposed to come over with all the dividends associated with them, but not this time. She kept them. 

It amazes me how easily she lies, cheats, steals, fakes pregnancies, fakes suicides, and destroys life after life after life with impunity. I just don’t understand how someone can live such an immoral life and not have it destroy her soul. 

She has a boyfriend and church friends and always has her weekends planned out now. She never used to. Then again she is also getting close to 90 pounds, so there is some issues inside her head. 

I on the other hand talk to myself in my sleep about being flawed and fucked up. Need to change that shit in my head. It’s not healthy anymore for me. I can’t move on this way. 

At least this is the last tranch of stock she can fuck me with. She makes so much, spends so little on the kids and saves so much more. She doesn’t pay for dates. She doesn’t pay for anything that isn’t making herself look pretty.  

I guess less than rich is better than being her. Just wish I knew there will be vindication for me someday. I guess love would say be patient. At her day of judgement things will be as they should be. Hopefully, for both of us!…

She finally got back to me and is sending me a check for $38 bucks. I’m not even going to check the math. It’s too small to worry about. Just wish she would stop always making me ask. Thankfully this is the last piece.

She will die rich and alone. 

I will die at peace and in God’s hands. 

I’ve been playing Fix My Eyes on repeat the last day or so…

Love like I’m not scared, give when it’s not fair

Live life for another, take time for a brother

Fight for the weak ones, speak out for freedom

Find faith in the battle, stand tall and above it all

Fix My Eyes On YOU

12/13/16 – Today Sucks

I just got a text from Heidi about taking the kids for an overnight on Sunday. She says it’s for a birthday party for a friend, but why an overnight for a Sunday. Nothing is open late around here on a Sunday.

I’m sure she is sleeping over at her boyfriends place or he is sleeping at her place. That or Heidi is hosting the party and she doesn’t want the kids there again.

What a horrible fucking mom?

Why can’t she just be nice to the kids in her own home? Because she is a selfish bitch. That’s why Joy is slamming me whenever she gets a chance. Same with Amanda. All fucking nut jobs, and I dated them all to make my life stressful. Actually, because I was unhealed.

I’m not that much healthier, but at least I understand why I did what I did. I can’t change it. I just need to deal with it.

I find it funny that she always asks me for help, but never provides it unless it is convenient for her. She still needs me to take care of her. 

I’m sure she will get used to me saying no. I’m not interested in helping her anymore unless she does the same. She never will. It’s not in her makeup to be generous or kind to anyone but herself. She will always be lost, and I need to detach from all this drama.

I feel like I need to leave the state for a while. Ben told me to, but I did not take his advice. Now I wish I could. Somedays are a nightmare for me. 

Heidi has a boyfriend. Joy has a soon to be fiance. Amanda is just bat shit crazy, and pretending to be happy. I know she’s miserable and hiding it. No one else knows because most of those single parents are messed up too. I just need a new life soon.

This one is not working for me….

My parents took the babysitting opportunity for Heidi so she can fuck her boyfriend. I let my parents know I’m no longer interested in a relationship with them. They always took my sister’s side as a kid and now Heidi’s side as an adult.

I’m done!

11/6/16 – Heidi Restrained My Son

Today was pretty good for most of the day until the afternoon when my daughter had a meltdown. Typical when she doesn’t sleep and wants tv. 

Afterwards, my son tells me that he was restrained on Tuesday at church group. How much guilt and embarrassment must this kid go through for Heidi’s little group of friends? It’s not like she even follows the precepts of Christianity. Right now she is having relations with one of the members of her church group. It’s the only way she can get a guy because she can’t handle dating in this life. She can’t really handle anything without a guy helping her.

If I could never see her again that would be prefect, but alas that isn’t possible. She would terrorize me with money requests until I was broke. Her punishment for me leaving. I just hope her new guy shows up to my daughter’s party so I can let him know the truth about her.

I’m also thinking of letting the cat out of the bag with her brother. Nothing better than to test the water with the truth. Let’s see how Christian they really are. I’m sure they will still rally around her. They have nothing better to do. Selfish family the lot of them.

Can’t wait until I can get the hell out of her life and protect my children but alas God is the only one that can make that happen.

11/5/16 – Heidi Is Locking The Kids In Their Rooms Again

So I pick up my kids tonight and ask if there are any issues this week since I don’t talk to them much on the weekdays. My daughter says that mom got mad and locked her in my daughter’s room again. All over tv time.

It’s insane that this always goes on over there and there is nothing I can do. It never happens here.

The worst thing that happened was my son taking two doses of guanfacine tonight. 

We talked about getting him a real life not one where he stays at his mom’s house forever, and that means paying attention to pills. He was crying a lot. I wish he wouldn’t but life is only going to get harder in 2017 with a new school and new nanny. I wish I could help more, but it out of my hands and into God’s.

10/16/16 – She Changed The Locks

This is when the shit gets interesting. She changed the locks over the last two weeks. My kids told her that I was snooping through her stuff. Which I was. 

There are several occasions where she writes stuff down then rewrites them in harsher tones. There was also a time when she had written the notes out of chronological order, then rewrites them in chronological order. Always something similar to the truth, but always colored in her favour. Her favorite is she is scared I’m going to hurt her since I have a gun. A gun that had never been fired by the way, nor do I even have ammo for it.

With a borderline everything she says and does is colored by her fear of getting caught and her self loathing. It generally comes out as a projection of lies. They call this a distortion campaign in the psychological community. I am unfortunately the recipient of one from a very smart little bitch. Now it’s time to pay her back.

Tonight I’m going to hyper tag her on every page of this website and change the front page to About. That way every time anyone Google’s her it will eventually come up. It’s time the world knows her insanity.

I know I have a lot of emotional baggage on this site. I know it will hurt a few friends when they read it, but I am willing to lose everything to save these kids. Now that I can’t protect them I need to extract them. Since my son’s psychologist isn’t willing to help it’s time to blow her up in the community.

I’ve done this before and changed my mind, but Harley Quinn’s new persona is a desperate plea for destruction and it’s time to make that happen. I don’t think she realizes that the harlequin was originally a comedic reimaging of the devil. This totally makes sense in her case.

It’s time to be her Joker and see how low I can take her until she gives me custody of the kids. It’s the only way they can be safe. Otherwise there will be no ability for me to protect them when she chokes them, or pulls his hair, or hits them, or locks them in their rooms. When my five year old daughter tries to break her window on the second floor to get out she will eventually die because of it. I don’t want that blood on my hands, and this is my last recourse. Time to let the hounds of hell out to take their sister back home.

10/15/16 – She Tells Me I Screwed Her Over

This is the amazing shit about borderline’s, she actually believes I screwed her over. Taking about her lying about dating at dropping off the kids, and she tells me she is going to be careful because she has been screwed over so much in the past. I am sure this is a clear reference to me as well as Chris and her high school sweetheart. She actually believes that I screwed her over. I tell her she destroyed my life, and right away she says this conversation is over. 

I am not sure if this relates to me moving out, or not giving her the life she thought she deserved. I know she will always be in this make shift hell in this life until she dies. Anyone who cheats, fakes pregnancies and suicides, and says I screwed her over is bat shit crazy!

What I do know is this Harley Quinn persona that she is taking on is not going to do well for her. In on line dating it’s just a statement that you are easy. With the new see through panties I am sure that is where she is headed. She has always used her body and sex to get what she wanted. In the end she never gets what she needs.

I called and texted her last night about the kids today. She never got back to me. I’m sure she had a date, but lied about. She told me she was only go to stay home and work on Sawyer’s Halloween costume. She was gone from the house by 7:30 I’m guessing. I’m guessing on a date. That or she was just radio silent to piss me off. 

Funny how we all still play games at this day and age. In the end she will die rich and alone, or rich and with a leach…