1/28/18 – Between Two Worlds

I sit here in a parking lot to serve the homeless and I know I have nothing to do afterwards. I don’t even get the basic stations on U-verse. I wonder what is everyone else doing today.

They are partying, and having a great time. I’m get to serve and then go home and workout. No parties for me. Maybe an opportunity to do some good, but it’s lonely some days.

I’m not in school yet. I’m not connected at Saddleback although I met a few people last night. Not that it will make a difference. All of them were women. Younger, older, only one my age and there is no spark. You never know what the future holds, but I’m sure it’s not in Orange County.

My Father keeps pushing me to San Diego. I’m not sure why? All the horrible things I lived through were down there. Everything that I loved died in San Diego County.

Maybe it’s a growth opportunity? Maybe it’s just my insanity going amuck and things are going from bad to worse down there? Maybe I just want life to be over by now after all I’ve been through.

Then again if Heidi keeps working out she may be getting close to a hospital stay after a while. Not sure where I would live, but I would use her house while I take care of the kids. Someday’s I just have no idea what my Father has in store for me.

Hopefully, I will find out soon.

No one seemed to show up so I went home. Sad to spend the time and gas to serve and no one was there except the police. Maybe I left too early? However, no one was there 10 minutes after the start time. I’m not sure I understand. Maybe things will work out soon?

Next week I have the kids and have to find something to do with the Super Bowl. I hope I can find something to do. I’m sure Heidi will be partying. She doesn’t seem to care about the kids.

I emailed her that my daughter wanted 1:1 time, but she said no. She doesn’t want to give up her time with Chris. What a sad state of affairs where she cares so little for the kids and only cares about her boyfriend. A guy who knits and uses her for money and sex. He even cheats on her but she doesn’t care. As long as she is not alone.