2/7/19 – Still Missing My Kids

It’s a sad day when you realize that your kids are not in your life. One day they are here, and the next they are gone. The saddest part is their Mom never stays home on the weekdays. She is too busy trying to make friends and always is more involved in her boyfriend than anyone else.

She threatened me the day my son got his cast out on. She told me I was harassing her. She has pictures on porn sites, and she even takes some of them. I can tell her with her anorexia. The skin is sagging and gross. She no longer has breasts, and I am hoping one day she will just up and die.

Anorexia takes approximately 20% of the loves that live in that reality. I’m hoping she will eventually succumb to the final outcome, and allow me to take care of the kids. It’s a sad reality to have to weight for my ex-wife to die and there is a serious need for me to leave the state.

My son would hate that since he would subject to the abuse Heidi inflicts on him daily. There is a sad state of affairs when your children hate their mom and wish that they loved with me. The demons at my school and constantly harassing me and scratching me, and putting strange ideas into my head. I keep having this view that Heidi will eventually kill one or both of my children without any remorse. That will be a sad day to bury my kids!

11/21/17 – Joy Cancelled The Date

I find it funny. She is to scared to be around me in her position. I have no interest in dating her, but she is to vulnerable to be around me. She is a nut job. Just glad I didn’t have to put a bullet in her. As usual she fucks things up first. Typical histrionic; always destroying things before they are built. I’m guessing she is getting back with her married boyfriend. She still loves him and needs him because she is in 3040 and she is too scared to change groups.

That’s standard for Cluster B’s. Any new group and they end up in bed with too many people to try and make friends. I even texted her that it was no worries, but I hope she isn’t getting back together with him. I have a friend who will let me know if they got back together or not. She doesn’t like either of them much. She knows they are not good people.

It is amazing how God can harden people’s hearts for my protection. I am hoping that God will find a way to send Patrick packing back down to San Diego. It would great if he wasn’t around much at Saddleback. Either way it’s a learning opportunity for me to handle people who are unhealthy for me and to navigate those waters.

I sent Tague another message and to have a Happy Thanksgiving. I also told him that if NCCC needed some ideas on how to fix it us could contact me. I doubt Tague will pass it along. I’m sure he hates the idea of me being part of the solution and not the problem.

I’ll probably send Buz and email as well and see what happens. I would hate to see my friends lose their group, but it does beed quite an overhaul so there is less adultery and more sanctification. We shall see if he bites. I doubt it, the church seems to think they know what’s going on, but the spiritual warfare going on should give them pause to consider.

We shall see…