6/16/14 – She Is Fucking Insane

I’m sorry but I don’t really care that she has BPD.  It’s not that she is going out of her way to nickel and dime the settlement – that’s normal for most divorces.  It’s the fact that after listening to my daughter tell me that she has secrets with mom and can’t tell me I call her and she denies everything.

I tell she cannot tell my son that I am asking about things over there because I am trying to get her thrown in jail.  She cannot tell him not to tell anyone anything.  She cannot tell him that if he tells people at school about what is going on at home that the school will take him away from her.  She goes on and on denying it.  Then she uses the argument that she should listen to everything my son tells her.  I ask her what he said and she wont answer.  I ask her again and again and she won’t tell me anything.  Of course not, that is her “evidence” in case things go to court.  I tell her if her ultimate objective is to get me to leave all three of them alone just tell me and I will make it happen.  I am tired of fighting with her and if she is going to continue this programming I don’t need to live my life in hell.

She finally tells me that I told Son to tell the teachers when mommy hurts them.  I say its important for Son to feel comfortable talking to people about being hurt.  I tell Hunter that Son told me that she kicked daughter.  I couldn’t believe that so I pressed him harder.  I need to understand what’s going on since you don’t seem to remember or understand what you say or do when you are angry.

She starts denying things again and tell her she can’t say that since we all know the length that she will go to when she’s upset and the lies and vicious things she will say to defend herself.  She brings up how I am only calling to be abusive and that she will get someone to be a third party whenever we talk about the children.  I say that’s fine, but she still can’t say those things.  Then she goes on about how every time I get in a bad mood I call to harass her and that I can’t tell her that God doesn’t love her and won’t forgive her that it’s not my call.  I say I agree it’s not my call, but she is being as selfish now as when she was emailing Holli about her affair with Chris.

She then goes into the whole me telling the kids she cheated on me.  I tell her I wouldn’t have to if she didn’t tell the kids that I was being mean to her and that I broke the marriage and that she kicked me out of the house.  She starts going on about how the kids heard things in the fight…I tell her if she wants me to never talk to her and the kids to let me know.  Hunter goes on about how she wants me to have a relationship with the kids.  I tell her that’s impossible if you are telling my son those things. That’s part of the reason he doesn’t want to come over her.  If I’m only going to see my son a few hours a week why live down here.  I know you don’t want to be alone, but you also need a break and that’s not going to happen if I eventually stop spending time with kids because of what she is filling his head with.

I get it you think that if I am not around anymore you never have to come to terms with the past and therefore you will automatically be forgiven because you don’t have to think about it.  She starts in on how I will always be in her life and that I will never forgive her.  I’m thinking that she may be right if she isn’t going to get help.  I tell her that she needs to get help.  That she will never forgive herself if she doesn’t get into counseling and stop acting this way.  She is just going to repeat these things in the future and ruin our kids in the process.  She has problems and needs to get help.

She starts in on my being abusive and calling her a bad mom.  I keep telling her that saying these things just once sticks in my sons head and destroys our relationship.  She starts in on how I just need to drag him to my place and take him for the time allotted.  I ask her if that makes sense.  Aren’t we not allowing the therapists to do that since it is counter productive?  Do I really want my son to think we have to fight right before he comes over.  Will that repair the damage you are doing?  She starts in on how she didn’t say any of it. She isn’t programming him against me.  I’m harassing her.  What do I want?

I want you to admit that you said it and that you are never going to say that stuff again or I will take off to Orange County and pretend the three of them don’t exist.  She tells me how selfish that is.  I tell her selfish is moving me away from my job, away from my family, away from my cats, derailing my career, and my self respect by embarrassing me in front of all of my friends and colleagues back then.  That if she wasn’t selfish she would move to San Clemente and we could split the commute.  She tells me no she can’t do that because of her son. I say San Clemente has all of those things (special education programs, counselors, special ed aids, and babysitters) like Carlsbad. I say you won’t move because you selfishly don’t want to do the commute.  You don’t care about anyone if its inconvenient to you.  How I have to make the sacrifices while she gets to have a life and all the money and i spend my life on the freeway to support her.  When did she ever support me?  Selfishly never I was always the paycheck and person to use so she can never be alone and now that she has the job and the kids she can dump me so she doesn’t have to share the money.

Then she talks about how I’m getting half of everything and I rail in on her how I earned over a half million dollars over the life of our relationship and stayed true and faithful to her and now that she is going to make a few million more over the next 20 years she wants a divorce to go make friends and a better looking boyfriend.  Just another selfish fantasy that she doesn’t want to pay for.  if she is going to continue to telling my son these things I can start in on a six figure divorce and make this a true war.  She asks me if I want that.  I say no, but I am not willing to accept these things anymore.  She needs to stop this stuff or I will spend her and my money on something that will be destructive to everyone because I feel I can win with all of the evidence I can bring into the picture.

Over the course of 25 minutes she hangs up on me four times and tells me its bad cell phone coverage.  Right before the end she puts my son on to tell me to stop being mean to her.  I tell him I am telling her that she isn’t allowed to lie to him anymore.  That i am not trying to get her thrown in jail or get him taken away from her.  How pathetic is it to use our seven year-old Asperger’s son to lay guilt trips on my while she is crying and telling me I am abusive.  All this because she still won’t admit to what she is doing and change.  She won’t admit to the fact that she has problems and won’t seek help.

Of course it doesn’t help that when I picked up my daughter she tells me that Hunter stopped by the school and put her hair in a braid.  I’m not sure if that is true, but she is pretty convincing about how mom brought the band and that she wants to keep it because its from moms house and it’s expensive.  Really less than a penny?  For $400K a year she can’t afford things.  Really.  She told my son that she didn’t have enough clothes for him for school because I was keeping them at my place.  All two outfits.  Two weeks earlier she told my daughter the same thing – all two outfits.  Everything comes confronted and denied.  A typical BPD issue.  Divide the information chains and spill lies between everything.  Hence why I can’t speak with her family and her mother won’t even send me a birthday card.  At one time she told me how much she liked me.  How great I was for Hunter, and how she has more fun with me than her.  Fucking crazy ass family.  I am starting to believe that God wants me to learn to be nice but selfish.  No longer worrying about how I can help others, but to enjoy my life and help myself instead.  Maybe it’s not about hitting bottom.  Maybe it’s not about sacrifice to save people that can only be saved by their own work and effort.  To let go of the future and what I can or cannot help.

Live a 12 step program.  Learn to change what I cannot accept, accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference. I hope she stops praying for me and starts getting her ass into counseling and repairing the three year old emotional girl inside that 39 year old body.  I hope she keeps herself pure until she gets her shit together.  I hope that she has been thoroughly put on notice about her actions being monitored.  i think I need to get a motion activated nanny cam to get more evidence against her.  Enough data and I can hammer her if she continues to derail her therapy.  I also need to get a hold of her phone and use the passcode she gave me to access and erase all 500 voicemails she has saved and any notes she has collected. Delete any of the photos that she is trying to say I have hurt him and any videos.  Just need twenty minutes alone with it.  Maybe this Thursday when I watch the kids at her house I can snag it while she is changing or something and make it all vanish from her phone. Although I am guessing that most of her notes are on her work computer which is something she doesn’t realize taints all her work emails and subjects all communications with her attorneys to discovery since it is used on a non-personal computer where she has given up the right to privacy and therefore privilege.

What a fucking nightmare!  I hope she gets her shit together and lets my daughter go so she can grow up away from this drama…what a psycho drama bitch.  She hasn’t changed since she was faking pregnancies with Chris and emailing his wife.  She is a psycho drama bitch.  At least everyday I realize more and more how much she is toxic to everyone she touches and this will eventually be the best thing for me even if I die alone and a broke transient.  At least then I will be free…

6/4/14 – No Matter How Hard I Try

Some days are just bound to be bad. I should have know sleeping in until 6:53 am would create such a day. Started out the morning in an emotional upheaval, but got my shit together by the end of my shower.

A little bit after that I get a text from Hunter responding to my text from yesterday / a few days ago regarding talking about saying hello and goodbye around the kids. She always waits a day or two to respond to anything. It’s almost like she waits for a day with nothing to talk about and then responds so she has something to contact me with. Needless to say she just texts to tell me she didn’t want to talk about a few days ago, but we should at least say hello and goodbye. It pisses me off so I don’t respond.

I do get a workout in the middle of the day. Finally…

Hunter calls right after I text her that it sounds like she doesn’t want to talk other than hello and goodbye. Just having to text her pisses me off so I send it voicemail. The voicemail talks about my son not wanting to go to therapy and can I go get him. She sends me a text with the same info and asking me to call her so I do.

That’s when we start to get into it. I don’t like the way the new ABA team is constantly hands on. She wants me to go and help out since it’s “my day.” I tell her the agreed upon plan was to have the ABA team drive over and assist son into the car to drive over to the therapists office. Her discussion is typical passive aggressive:

Don’t you want to help?

You don’t like how they restrain him and get physical with him – don’t you want to prevent that?

It’s your day you and your closer you should go.

Etc, etc, etc

I let her know that I don’t agree but the three of you did so go with the plan. I didn’t disagree during the emails so why call me know?

Hunter goes on about how she can’t win because she gets shit from me when she doesn’t include me in decisions and if she does I tell her not to.

I let her know there is already a decided plan in place there is no reason to call. This is different than her decision on summer school which wasn’t discussed at all.

She starts going on about how she will make all decisions without me now, and I start ripping her about how wrong that is.

We start discussing the texts and she starts to cry about how I act like she doesn’t exist. I tell her I am giving her the boundaries she wants. She tells me it’s common courtesy to say hello an goodbye. I started going off about how I’ve been holding this family together for the last 16 years and I can’t do it anymore. That she is only calling me because she needs me to make the decision she wants and to help out so she can work and I can’t do that anymore. She brings up it being my day again and I tell her it’s her day. I only get two hours from 6 – 8 so it’s her responsibility.

She starts talking about common courtesy and what we need to show the children. I go off about Chris and the affair. If I were anybody else I would be going off on you and hating you and talking shit about you to everyone. What did you do to him? You emailed his wife after he dumped you the second time and stopped taking to you just to take revenge. I’m at least not doing shit like that.

She starts talking about how she didn’t call about that but the kids. I tell her don’t bring up things if she doesn’t want to talk about them. She needs to make another call so she is going to hang up but keeps talking so I hang up instead.

What a stupid butch. Always needing me to help her with the family and her job. I guessing after today she is going to seriously reconsider constantly contacting me to help her with things.

The afternoon is spent hanging out with daughter for an hour shopping at the store and getting the dry cleaning before we go to Grado to pick up my son. Unfortunately he’s not there and when he does arrive it’s nothing but hell from him.

Hunter gets home and wants to talk but I don’t. She starts talking about leaving and when to pick up the kids. Same time as usual so what’s the need for discussion. I tell her she can go I’m sure she has plans. She starts talking about the step challenge at her work and I start walking away. I hear her start crying a little bit as she walks out the door. I don’t want to hurt her as much as pushing her away to leave me alone.

The bigger problem is spending the next hour avoiding flying objects, getting hit and spit at and protecting my daughter. I am proud of myself. I never lose my temper and constantly reinforce that I haven’t raised my voice , call him a name, or touch him (other than to keep him spitting at my daughter) in a negative way.

There are occasional tickle sessions and hugging / fake kissing sessions to try and drag him out of the mindset. Nothing worked.

Finally upstairs he is slamming the door, throwing things, spitting, etc. I try and keep the door shut but he pulls it open. I try and keep it open and he slams it shut. The last door game ends up me opening the door when he is running to open the door and he slams his head into the door handle.

There is a Harry Potter indentation on his forehead and he is screaming at the top of his lungs. I run downstairs and get ice and he seems like a normal kid after the tears dry up. I’m heart broken. All that time and effort to keep composure and he still gets hurt.

As soon as he stops crying I start to make sandwiches for dinner for the kids and Hunter walks in.

The three is us have dinner in the breakfast nook at the table and Hunter sits alone in the dining room. She goes upstairs afterwards and closes the door. I can tell she is still hurting, but I’m too depressed at having to spend my evening in that house. I hate it. Pictures of her when she started cheating on me. All my shit gone or not mine anymore. My cats who follow me around for attention and knowing Hunter doesn’t pet them anymore.

To make it worse sons teacher calls Hunter and talks about how his daydreaming has gotten out of control and today he didn’t know where he was or what he was doing when his teacher finally was able to get him out of the daydreaming. Sounds like he his going through another round of petite mal seizures.

Fuck!!! Whenever his anxiety goes ape shit or it gets too hot the seizures come in. This summer is going to suck between him and her, and to make things worse my daughter kept going on about sleeping over at my house all afternoon.

My heart can’t take much more of this. It’s too bruised and beaten down to take anymore abuse.

6/2/14 – Still Hating Her

This is not a healthy situation.  I know that anger is an energy and has it’s place in the world.  It is part of the healing process – one of the five stages of grief.  It helps to uplift a person out of depression and produce an adrenaline rush to garner energy and momentum if directed properly.  As the father of the two 20-something daughters in the apartment upstairs who seems to be back to his old f-bomb antics on the stairs right now can attest to, too much anger is an unhealthy reality.

I’ve been spending a lot of time reviewing the video I took of my son and what Hunter has been up to.  I know he hates to talk about it.  He has an unmistakable fear that the authorities will take him away from her so he tends to down play what has happened.  At the same time his constant reference that Hunter is aiming more of her anger at my daughter is disturbing.  Especially since my daughter has seem to have completed a 180 on Hunter.  She now wants to spend more nights over there and misses her mom all the time.

Tonight during our FaceTime daughter even went through the process of telling me she wants to stay at moms house.  Before Saturday she would always tell me how much she wants to stay with me, and spend more time with me, and wanted me to come to stay with her at moms house, or if I could take her to my house.  That seems to have changed, and that with my sons discussion about how Hunter has directed her anger at daughter is starting to piss me off.  That and I am still wondering how daughter got her thumb sized bruise on the inside of the her arm.  I am sure I am just reading more into things than may actually be there, but I also know that Hunter can be a time bomb of anger and explosive behavior.  She has hit me, my son, but I have never seen her do it to my daughter.

As a BPD it is not unusual for her behavior to be erratic to say the least, and her explosive anger adds to a small child’s instability and destroys its sense of security.  I can see my daughter already starting to mold her statements to the audience.  To me she tells me she wants to get away from Hunter and move to Orange County with me.  When mom arrives she tells her she wants to go home with her, but no crying.  My daughter is already mastering the art of targeted presentations based on the audience. I would rather her to learn to tell the truth appropriately.

The truth always comes through her imagination.  She is the mom and has two children.  An older son named Andy and a younger daughter named Molly.  If you have seen Toy Story you understand the dynamics.  However, in her world she is the mom and there tends to be a strong correlation between what she and her children live through and what happens at home.  When mom has a bad day at work and yells at Andy or Molly I know what happened.  When Molly wasn’t listening and had to spend time in her room I know why.  When Andy had a bad day and fought with mom I know what she is describing.

I just wish I knew what to do.  Having seen how my son can misinterpret my actions and blow them up into a situation where it seems that he would have gone to the ER instead of just his room its hard to understand what is real from what is hyperbole.  And small kids are always getting hurt and bruised – especially my dauntless daughter.

Again I sit here angry with Hunter.  I can’t get my time back, and I can’t make her punish herself enough to make up for what she’s done. I truly can’t figure out how much emotional damage she is inflicting on the kids and how much me asking about it is creating the issues.

In the end I don’t even know if I truly want her to hate herself anymore.  Who wants to live  knowing that you have destroyed so many lives for baseless fears?  Spending your days feeling nothing, angry, or constantly knowing that you are not the same as other people on the inside must be a frightening thing.  I just don’t have the strength right now to open up my compassionate side and not fall for her wiles or back into old relationship habits.  None of which would be healthy for any of us.

I just need to keep praying for my Creators forgiveness to flow through me to her.  I just don’t have the ability to generate that forgiveness for her internally right now. I would rather just hate and be angry with her, but that means I will never unchain myself from her or move forward in life.  We both need peace and a reboot.  Unfortunately, I just don’t believe she will ever get what she wants and I will be part of her life for at least another 15 to 20 years.  If she doesn’t get what she wants, I and my children will be the ones to pay for it emotionally, physically, and financially.

Obviously forgiveness, detachment, and faith are things I have failed to learn in my 40 years on Earth and will spend the remainder of my days learning these things until I can finally let go and move forward.

5/26/14 – The Kids Are Not Alright

I don’t think these kids are going to survive us parenting them. Not only is my sons Aspergers anxiety getting worse, but my daughter seems to have a heavy dose of ADHD like her older brother. Everyone talks about how out of control she is – or “how much energy” she has compared to other kids.

Last night I couldn’t get them to sleep. They kept moving into whatever room I was in. Daughter wants to watch tv and after an hour and a half I lose it. Son has been complaining because daughter keeps sneaking tv and asking questions which is keeping him awake. I kick her to the small couch in the living room and start yelling at her about not listening and I don’t want to do this anymore. They can go back to Hunter and not come back anymore. I’m moving back to Orange County. My son brings a blow up bed into the living room with us because he doesn’t want to be alone. He hears me and goes on a little rant / plea:

– So your on her team now?
– Your going to be mean and yelling all the time?
– Your going to leave your children?
– You can’t move. We need you here. I need to have fun over here. It’s calm over here.
– Are you on her team now?

I bring them over and hug and kiss them both and tell them I’m sorry and I’m never going to leave them and will always be their dad. I leave the tv in the living room on and allow every to sleep on the floor or couches as they see fit. Obviously not a banner moment in parenting for me.

However, Monday does not go smoothly and the afternoon is horrible. The morning started out well. Let the kids sleep in, and took them to McDonalds for a Memorial Day treat. Everyone is listening and obedient and pleasant.

We go back to the apartment to go to the pool and Son sees a bee on the grass in front of the pool and won’t go in. He starts freaking out. He won’t go back to the apartment and won’t go to the pool. I finally take my daughter and we start walking. Son is yelling all kinds of things about how I’m a bad dad and he wants to go to moms pool. We go back to the apartment and I send him to his room until he is calm and willing to go.

Daughter keeps pushing his buttons and I send her to her room. She keeps coming out and wanting to watch tv. It’s just baseball so she starts complaining and wants a different show. I finally turn the tv off and sulk. Almost three hours later he gets ok with it and we play for almost an hour in the pool and everyone has fun. Showers, lunch, and daughter goes off to nap a little early and without a fight.

Three hours later and I wrangle everyone up and ask what they want for dinner: sausages with onions & peppers or regular hot dogs? Either way we have to go to the store as I said yesterday and this morning. That’s when son flips out.

He’s yelling he won’t go. It’s not fun. He starts hiding in his room. Locking the door. Slamming the door. Eventually I go in trying to talk to him and he try’s to hit me. I slap his hand and he starts going on about how I’m on her team. How nobody loves you and he hopes I die. How he’s going to live with mom forever and I’m not in the family anymore. How she is going to keep cheating on me and I deserve it.

I lose it. I start yelling and screaming at him. He doesn’t get to chose. He doesn’t get to ruin everyone’s day. I don’t care if it’s not fun. Why does daughter have to have her day ruined because he doesn’t want to go. We need to eat and I told you we had to go earlier.

He starts rolling his eyes and I hold his head to look at me. Daughter is alternating between laughing and crying and tell her to go to her room. She refuses so I escort her in there and she starts crying and screaming she doesn’t want to be alone.

I come back and he is screaming about me being mean and hitting him and I’m on her team. He try’s to hit me again and I slap his hand again. I bring his eyes to mine and complains I slapped him. He starts going on about how I hit him just like her and I’m on her team. I finally walk away to check on daughter. I can’t handle what is going on in me or what’s going on from him. Daughter is calmly playing in her room.

When I come back his room is empty. I open the closet doors and he’s hiding in the closet crying. I come in and sit down in the closet and have him sit down in the room in front of me.

He’s keep talking and talking and talking. Mom – her team – hitting him – not wanting to answer questions about her when he comes over – he doesn’t want to tell me what she does – yelling – pinching his face – bruising – slapping his legs, back, face – he doesn’t want her to go to jail – doesn’t want to be taken away from her. He goes on about how I’m on her team now. How I hit him on the hand and cheek. How I slammed him and hit him and bruised him. How I yell and hurt him and he doesn’t want me to go to jail. Obviously his childhood sucks. What the fuck are the two of us doing to our children? I’m cognizant of it, but she has no clue. I don’t know how to heal me fast enough to help them. The only thing that ever cones to mind is taking daughter to Orange County and removing a lot of the physical safety issues she faces with son. Remove a lot of stress in both houses. Remove me from Hunters pull. She would never go for it. I know I wouldn’t if she proposed it.

I tell him I’m sorry for what I said, but I would continue to slap away his hand if he raises to hit me. I’m allowed to protect myself. I tell him that he owes me an apology for all of the back talk and screaming and trying to hit me and hitting daughter and pushing her.

We exchange apologies and I talk to him about things. I shouldn’t be angry and he shouldn’t demand everyone do what he wants. How we wasted four hours today on the pool and the store. How we still need to go otherwise we won’t have much for dinner. He says he gets it. I let him alone until he is ready to go. He checks his cheek for bruising on his face and can’t find them. Mom bruises him. I give him ice for his face to appease him. It’s not even red, but he thinks it is. I tell him it’s because he keeps rubbing it. Ice is on for a coupe of minutes. A few minutes later we are putting on shoes and socks and off to the store.

Things go smoothly the rest of the evening. Even trading choices at the store between the kids and working with the kids on trading choices so they both get what they wanted most. I think it was a very successful trip.

Especially helping son see that choosing the chips (Cool Ranch Doritos) was more important to daughter than her choice of dessert, and his choice of dessert (Mint Oreos) was more important than his choice of chip. Why not trade?

You get the cookies you want. She gets the chips she wants. Everyone wins. It’s these things I wanted to teach my children when Hunter convinced me to have them. Teaching them anger management techniques and to not hit his baseball teammates with a bat at six years of age was not something that I envisioned. Such is life…

Hunter comes to pick them up and I don’t say a word. She hasn’t responded to my emails on the divorce or move to Orange County and has been texting me her whereabouts on her trip back every few hours, but only when alone not with her brother. She asks me if I am going to be at the IEP meeting tomorrow and I nod yes. Hugs, kisses, and goodbyes with the kids.

Less than an hour later and she has sent me four pictures and a text. Within another half hour I have three more texts and two videos. All about the kids, but constant contact. It’s not like I can not respond to questions about the children’s health. I get her needs for connection and fear of abandonment but I need a break.

If I can’t have the relationship I want I want no relationship with her. I personally would prefer to never have to see or hear her ever again. Rebuild my life like Chris and Patrick got to. Pretend she doesn’t exist anymore. I saw a commercial for Maleficent and the quote is:

Evil exists in this world – Maleficent
And I married her – John

And all I want is to start over. She broke me. I have to fix me. She wants a fresh start. She needs me to raise the kids, support her emotionally, and be her rock in the future until she finds my replacement. I can’t do it and now the kids are going to suffer more as she continues to try and draw me in and I want to be left alone.

I am beginning to actually hate her. Fuck the BPD. She knows something is wrong with her, but she won’t get help. That makes it her fault. If she were getting help I would be supportive, but reading Mamapedia on how to create boundaries during a divorce is not getting help. Especially since she doesn’t adhere to the boundaries. Hence the snuggle and texts and photos and emails. At least she is getting used to picking up the kids at my place. It completely takes away the snuggle / physical presence out of the equation.

Although she still seems to put things on Wednesdays calendar where I have to stay late. I’m guessing a few days with the kids sleeping on my couches until she gets here will put that to rest. I know that is going to create havoc but until she lets me go or gives me my daughter and let’s us both go there is nothing I can do about her. She either gets help or gets to hit a new low in a couple of years.

Fuck it – not my life. It’s hers and I am not responsible for her emotional well being. Just mine and my children’s. Once she releases them I can save them or God will have to watch them. I have to save myself or there will be no one to help them put themselves back together in twenty years.

5/12/14 – WTF – Irritability and Anger

Really? How quickly can someone turn into a complete bitch? I get it. It’s called “splitting.” Or it’s a criteria to meet for a diagnosis:

BPD is a cluster B personality disorder where an essential feature of which is a pattern of marked impulsivity and instability of affects, interpersonal relationships and self image. Other symptoms include intense anger and irrationality.

Yeah – fuck that. Five texts and two emails today from Hunter. Some about her Dad, our son, and money for our daughters pictures. She just a $25k cash bonus, and I give up $35k a year in alimony and can she get $20 to split out daughters class pictures. And she gets both the 8 x 10’s and we split everything else blah, blah, blah. Cheap bitch is eventually going to come to Jesus and get her due.

At our sons playoff game she is there early and she has already changed into shorts. She can’t get out early to drop the kids off at a midpoint if I move to Orange County, but for a game where she can show off her tan legs in her new daisy duke style shorts – no worries.

That’s ok. She is worried about her dad who seems to be flip flopping in and out of surgery. Everything is fine, but she gets some text or email and it looks like she is about to cry. I text her if everything is ok and she blows me off. Maybe it’s work, maybe it’s her dad, maybe her boyfriend just told her to get lost, maybe the Locke Ness Monster told her she was pregnant with her baby and she can’t afford the child supports. I don’t know what it is, but she blows up after I ask her about it.

She is a bitch to me, to my daughter, to my mom. I walk away and talk with some of the other parents. I walk back and ask if this is the last inning. She goes on a diatribe about yes it, she knows, she overhead them talk, etc, etcetera. I say it’s not like I would know. There is no way to know which dugout is home or away.

This is an old argument between her and I. She is head strong on third base side is home. That’s where the Angels keep it. But more teams keep it on the first base side in MLB. She doesn’t know it because she doesn’t really know a lot about things she has not personally experienced. She always chastises me on this, but she is just plain wrong. She starts in on this again, and I stop her in her tracks. I walk away.

On the way out she yells at my mom about the end of the inning. Hunter goes on about the wrong playoff schedule since she obviously did not look at the new schedule the league just sent out. I know I’m not the “alpha male” jock type, but I did coach his team the last time he played and I was on the Leagues Board. I know a few of the basics and I don’t need this brat to tell me the why’s and where’s of baseball because she used to watch her brother play. Force out is not a Star Wars movie.

I keep walking. On the way out, she starts yelling at Son and the coach backs her up but things start going bad because Hunter has to take them out to dinner in order to bribe son into playing. (They didn’t win but son had four hits, two RBI’s, and an out. Not too bad for an Aspie with horrible ADHD). She starts going on about calling me late and I tell her not to. I don’t want to talk to her if she is still in bitch mode, much less watch the kids cry because she has treated them like shit.

I go grocery shopping, and get home around 8:30 to a quiet house and peaceful reality. Talked with a couple of people and watched a hot married blond follow me around the store. I ignore her. If you are married you are not on my radar – even if she wants to talk about some new TJ’s cookie style peanut butter. If there is a ring – you are not for me.

Hunter is a fucking nightmare and my Creator needs to help me get her out of my head and my daughter out of her roof. My patience is getting low, but hopefully I can help her find a way to walk away from both kids. Time to eradicate everyone from her illness since it is obvious she is never going to seek treatment – just a new prop to replace me and the rest of her imperfect family. Then all hell will break loose.