8/16/15 – They Are Her Books

So far the weekend went well. I picked the kids up on Friday and dropped them off today without issue. The hard part was listening to my kids tell me the story of church group a couple of weeks ago. 

For lunch I took them to Chick-Fil-A and each gets a kids meal with fruit cup. This time the “prize” are a couple of books. One of the books was what they both got when Hunter picked up Chick-Fil-A for the kids before the church group. 

My daughter starts to spin a yarn about those were moms books not theirs – the ones they got a couple of weeks ago. I don’t really believe it so I question her about it. 

My son tells me that Hunter told them that those were her books because she paid for them, and that if they wanted to read them they had to ask her for them really nice. I’m stunned. 

A couple of small freebies, books, and Hunter has taken control and ownership of them. These are their books, part of their meal and she uses them to control the kids. 

I tell them that since they are two different books that they are both of their books and can read them anytime. The only rule is they have to share. 

Seriously, how are these children going to have a normal childhood with an angry dad over being cheated on, lied to about fake pregnancies, fake suicides, infidelity, and who knows what else with all of Hunters mental illness and their mom is lying, controlling, and manipulative. 

I don’t know how to save them. I haven’t been able to let them go, and this stalemate is killing me. I sit here tonight worrying about kids I can’t help instead of meeting new friends or going out on a date. 

Tomorrow I no longer tolerate this from me. I cannot survive or thrive in a way to make a life available for my children to come home to or for me to enjoy. It’s getting time to stop wallowing in the mire and start building a new life. A new paradigm. A new person that is no longer tolerant of crazy or those that support them. Those that want on this train on sanity can join, but it takes self awareness and a willingness and the effort to change. All others can stay in crazy town. 

8/9/15 – Mommy Didn’t Cheat On You

Still blindsided by the whole conversation last night and this morning with my daughter. Before bed last night, she asks me why I thought mommy cheated on me. I told her because she cheated on me with Chris. Why, did mommy tell you she didn’t? 

The hesitation then the answer “no I was just wondering.”

I’m sure she was covering for Hunter otherwise she wouldn’t not have looked away and hesitated. I’m still blown away that Hunter would tell my daughter that she didn’t cheat on me. I’m not sure how Hunter brought that conversation up on their staycation, but I’m not taking the blame for this nonsense. 

To boot, Holli had a new work photo up so I showed my daughter Chris’s ex-wife this morning and told her that mommy ruined this woman’s marriage by cheating on dad too. 

I know it’s not the right thing to do, but to flat out lie to my daughter about things that my daughter heard come out of Hunters own mouth is unfathomable. Especially will all the proof, and the fact that dozens of people know about it first hand. People that will end up back in one if not both of our lives at some point in time. 

I’m really at a loss of words. I just can’t fight things anymore. I’m just getting tired of trying to correct her lies, and deceit, and destruction. 

I know Hunter will continue to push that agenda. That the affair didn’t matter. I was never the one for her. The divorce was her idea. She never wanted to be married to me in the first place. I wasn’t really her soul mate. Etc etc etc. 

Its like one of the women at happy hour on Friday that said it was ok for a woman to cheat if she wasn’t getting her needs filled from her husband because men had been doing it for centuries. Because the lack of morality has nothing to do with it. Its all about women’s liberation and freedom. 

I think I am done with dating. I’m not sure there is anyone worth dating out there for me anymore. I will go through the motions, but until I start meeting people of value I don’t see why I should waste my time. 

What I really need is to focus on myself, and my future. Start really working out constantly. Make these life habits. Get back in shape and loss the weight. Buy the kid car and the motorcycle for me!

It’s never too late to learn the piano. So fuck Hunter. It’s never too late to drop the past off at the curb for Waste Mangement to pick up. You can take the trash out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the trash. 

8/2/15 – Mom Doesn’t Love Me

So Friday and Saturday were good and bad. It took several texts to get Hunter to respond to the Jerry issue. She told me they were not dating so there is no issue. Just like Chris. I’m not sure if she is telling the truth or lying, but I wish she would be mature enough to at least handle the subject. My son is not like neurologically typical children and needs more structure for the feeling of security.

Then again, this weekend when he was looking for hugs and attention from me I asked him why he wanted to the hugs since it is unusual. He didn’t answer. I asked him if he felt loved. He told me he knew that I loved him, so I asked him again does he “feel” loved? He said sort of. How’s that?

– I feel you love me, but I don’t think mom loves me.

That’s right. My 8 year-old Asperger son doesn’t think his mom loves him.

I asked him why, and he said that she only hugs me when I ask, and only plays with me when I ask, and never asks what I want to do, but just orders us around.

I ask my daughter, but I know she is just telling me “no” because she thinks that is what I want to hear.

I tell them that some people have a harder time showing love than others, and that your mom isn’t that good at it, but I am sure she loves both of you on some level.

I don’t think that helped much, but I told them I would give mom the Sea World and Safari Animal Park tickets for their week vacation with mom. That seemed to make them a little happy.

It is hard knowing that I am sending them off to someone that really does not love them in a traditional sense of the word. Especially my son, who I know she doesn’t love since she does not love any man who does not make it to her godlike fantasy level of Adonis.

It has been bugging me a lot lately. Especially since I am supposed to go out with another women, who seems great but how do I bring in a third party into this madness. I don’t know if I can right now. At least I worked out, and made it to church today even though I really didn’t feel like it. Better to go and not believe, then not go at all.

7/30/15 – She Got Her Church Boyfriend

It just pisses me off the way she does things. Having my daughter tell me that there are pictures of Jerry on mom’s phone on Skype tonight is so wrong. I text her about talking about introducing new people and calmly leave a message to talk. No response. 

Typical Borderline shit. Lie, cheat, steal, fake pregnancies, fake suicides, and then use my 4 year old daughter to shove her new boyfriend in my face what a fucking nightmare. What a psychotic bitch. I will need to make this right as God does not seem to care. 

Yesterday my daughter tells me yesterday that mom always makes comments about not knowing how to get there but she doesn’t use navigation. She must be going over there a lot besides her church group. I guess it all worked out for her. 

Maybe it’s time to check out. There is no God so what does it matter anyways. Travel the world and walk the fuck away from psycho. Unfortunately it will ruin my son. 

7/19/15 – Cheap Bitch Stealing Another $400

Just pissed off today. The window on my car is cracked. All the rain is making a lousy day with son. Hunter was two rows up at church and again drove past me and my son walking home from church. 

She was such a bitch that I email her that I have to work in Orange County and that I won’t make the midweek meeting and does she want alternating weekends or the kids with me every Friday / Saturday. She tells me she doesn’t understand. 

I push her on the dividends she owes me and the 529 plans and she takes over $400 for medical costs. I told her to stop lying and stealing. I didn’t give up $35k a year in support to be fucked over by her for $400.

My daughter tells me that she spent the night at her Aunts since mom went to a party. I text Hunter that I am supposed to get the option. She tells me that it’s a church group thing and that my daughter had a fabulous time with the cousins. I text her if she spent some time sleeping there is was more than 3 hours and she had to give me the option. She texts me she will see me at 7pm. 

I’m so done with this fucking psycho. I want to blow her up. No ones thinks it’s a good idea. I know if I walk from the kids she will continue to come after me for money. She is such a cheap bitch. 

I’m going to have to strike back at some point in time. She won’t stop. 

She won’t take the call to discuss her questions on the custody. Again I text her and she texts back that a call would not be productive based on my emails. 

I text her that she will have to answer for she actions one day. No one agrees. 

I’m just supposed to roll over and die and let her take everything I have. 

Hunter won’t be humble yet there is no fall for her pride in her future. 

Where is God? Not here helping me or my kids. 

I just want to be done with this. Fucking psychopath…

7/14/15 – Her Scratch Must Be My Fault

Last night at Divorce Care Hunter is sending a slew of texts regarding my daughter and a skin irritation. It’s been there a little while, but with the water slide and playtime it has gotten worse. It’s not bleeding but it’s not healing. 

Hunter texts me pictures and tells me it’s ozzing and infected and what happened. Like it’s my fault. As usual when something happens on her watch not a comment. On my watch it must be my fault. When my son came over last week with scabs on his elbow, knee, and ankle not a word from Hunter. If it would have happened at my place I would get photos and texts blaming me or my family for it. 

Then it’s about where is the swim stuff – in the dryer. I finally tell her I’m at my church group and then it’s “so I shouldn’t have the kids call you?” 

I turn off the phone. I still can’t get what she owes me on the 529 and dividends. She refuses to be honest about what happened with her family. She pretends that she is happy, but is now constantly in my life. 

I can’t imagine what is going to happen once the divorce date passes and we are both single. I’m sure she will break into some insanity again. I’m guessing the online dating world or the church group will have another “victim” looking for her prey so that she is taken care of. 

She seriously needs to get head checked. She just butt dialed me and told some other women that “every time I talk to him, he’s being a jerk” or something to that effect. Seriously, the distortion campaign is in full effect and I’m trying to do the right thing. But it’s hard. At some point in time I need to get released from this hell. I text her that was bad manners and no response. Typical. 

She texts me back, sorry if she accidentally called me but she doesn’t discuss her personal life at work. No surprise. How else’s does she cheat on everyone if you tell everyone about it? I know she used to before Chris, but had to stop once it was over and everyone hated her who wasn’t profiting from her. Just another thing I need to let go of. I hope somehow I find a way to get a loan for a house. I need a little space from her for a while. 

7/12/15 – More Stalking

We all survived the weekend safe and sound. That isn’t easy with my daughter only giving me four hours a sleep a night. And two birthday parties. The one of Saturday had a water slide and my sons cut on his foot opened up twice so we needed up with three hysterical outbursts and band aids. When he listens to me talk about how he is going to be ok seems to get him calm really quickly, but the other parents do stare. Nothing I can do about that.

The party today was ok, but funny to see one of my daughters best friends at school there with her dad and his obviously younger and no kids girlfriend. I’m guessing he either cheated on his wife with her, or picked her up right afterwards. I can’t seem to understand why that isn’t me. Just let go and move on. Maybe because I actually want something more than a warm bed. I don’t think a lot of people want more. They just don’t want to be alone. 

The funny part was walking home from church and seeing Hunter drive by. She must have done it intentionally since she always goes a different way, but we didn’t see her at church so she may have needed to see the kids. I doubt she was going anywhere near me unless she had a date since she has all the same stores near her place. I really believe she just wanted to see the kids and the drive by was her best shot. So sad to see her losing it and continually stalking me. I hope she somehow gets help, but I know she never will. 

I just need to walk away, buy a new house, and restart my life with what I have left. She is never going to change and I do not want to be around for her next Borderline break.