3/10/19 – Heidi Is Going Crazy Over Custody Schedules

We are going to go to mediation, which means we don’t have to go by the State of California law. But she wants, demands that we adhere to it. There is a time and place for moving to Austin, I don’t think right now is the time.

What happens if she dies soon? Will she kill one or both of my kids? At least I am safe from her constant harassment. My son called me last week to complain about his mom. He is the one I see in the reflection drowning in blood. When I took a picture a couple of days ago he waved at me. I thought that was funny since he knows I always wave at him. Funny to see the demons make him wave. He was also dressed in normal clothes.

I guess the danger is still there. There will always be a danger with her in the picture. She doesn’t care about the kids, only her need for self-gratification. That’s her issue and it will die with her one-day. I just hope I am there to see it, without having to bury both of my kids.

3/7/19 – Now I See Both Kids In The Neighbors Window

I am not sure if the demons are messing with me or there really is an omen. I would hate to see both of my kids die soon. That would be a tragedy. Heidi does not seem to care about herself or the kids. It’s like they don’t exist in her world.

That’s the saddest part, my son knows she hates him, and my daughter only knows she loves her a little bit. They both know I love them a lot, and I would hate for both of them to die soon. That would be a tragedy of epic proportions.

It would suck having to identify my children bodies, and having to bury them. That would totally suck at my age. I don’t what I would do then.

Maybe I’m just stressed and that is the issue. Heidi seems to be going off the rails, and does not seem to care about her kids. That is the sad part, she has no idea of how destructive she is to my kids. No one wants to grow up unloved!

2/7/19 – Still Missing My Kids

It’s a sad day when you realize that your kids are not in your life. One day they are here, and the next they are gone. The saddest part is their Mom never stays home on the weekdays. She is too busy trying to make friends and always is more involved in her boyfriend than anyone else.

She threatened me the day my son got his cast out on. She told me I was harassing her. She has pictures on porn sites, and she even takes some of them. I can tell her with her anorexia. The skin is sagging and gross. She no longer has breasts, and I am hoping one day she will just up and die.

Anorexia takes approximately 20% of the loves that live in that reality. I’m hoping she will eventually succumb to the final outcome, and allow me to take care of the kids. It’s a sad reality to have to weight for my ex-wife to die and there is a serious need for me to leave the state.

My son would hate that since he would subject to the abuse Heidi inflicts on him daily. There is a sad state of affairs when your children hate their mom and wish that they loved with me. The demons at my school and constantly harassing me and scratching me, and putting strange ideas into my head. I keep having this view that Heidi will eventually kill one or both of my children without any remorse. That will be a sad day to bury my kids!

2/4/19 – Thinking About Moving To Austin

There is a point in time where you really need a break from the insanity. My son ran off again yesterday for no reason at all. My daughter is turning into a Histrionic, and I don’t have many friends here in Escondido.

There is a time when healing is more important than now. Heidi is a whore who has pictures on porn sites and she doesn’t seem to care. I know she is a Borderline because having her boyfriend is more important than anything else in the world. She ignores my children and never is home during the week. She has church groups and yoga. Anything to get her to die sooner is welcome in my life.

I know she is anorexic and will die soon, but there is a point in time where the advice of my professional counselor comes in handy. Ben dated a Borderline as well, and finally gave up a great business for healing. Maybe it’s time I leave the state and let Heidi deal with the kids all on her own. I know Chris will drop her like a bomb so he can grab someone else.

I know she is cheating on him, and he is cheating on her. It’s a weird reality that they don’t seem to care. He dates her for money and sex, and she is a Borderline so she doesn’t want to be alone.

At some point in time I need to find peace in this life and serve God somehow. I don’t know when or where, but there is a Triune God and he desires my life for his glory. At some point in time I need to heal and leave this wonderful state for someplace where she cannot get to.

3/3/18 – Heidi’s Boyfriend Choked My Son

After picking up the kids last night, my son tells me that Chris choked him on Monday. The police were called and they chose not to arrest him. I’m not sure I like this reality anymore. It’s time to get the courts and the police actively involved. Chris is not legally allowed to hurt my son.

The police who chose not to arrest him by telling my son that it was night time will have a lawsuit on their heads soon. I know enough attorneys to make this nightmare come to life and destroy Heidi.

No one gets to hurt my son anymore.

Heidi’s insistence that my son is the issue is only a fragment of her mental illness. She is an emotionally unstable person who will conform to anyone that will fuck her. She has no personality of her own as evidenced by her anorexia.

Even the kids told me last nigh that she is getting smaller.

There is a serious problem if Chris is choking my son. I will call CPS today, and my son will tell his teachers on Monday. This will stop soon, and the restraining order on Chris for my children will prevent him from stopping by to fuck Heidi whenever he wants or he will go to jail and see what being gay is really like. I am sure at some point they will both get what they deserve. Right now it is time to put a stop to all of this insanity.

No one abuses my son!

2/21/18 – Heidi Continues To Lie About Assets

All I am asking for is my stuff. A few dvds, my tools, and a few books which she kept because she wants them. She keeps telling me the “matter is closed.”

I’m sure the message I sent will get her attention. I told her the assets are mine and I have email proof of it. I also told her that I will get the courts and the police involved in her theft, and provide evidence of the violence she inflicted on my children.

If that doesn’t wake her up to the hell that will be coming her way I do not know what will. I have the assets to go to war although I would prefer not to. If I need to sell the condo and move down to school and pay $950 a month for a two bedroom I will. The kids can live with me on campus. My daughter in my room and my son in his. It will be tight, but better safe than sorry.

She cracks me up. She tells me the matter is closed because it’s not in the MSA, but I have emails that prove it. With all this drama I wish she would pass soon so we could move on. The son hates her, and my daughter is learning too. What a horrible mom!!!

1/17/18 – The Voices

Watching the movie The Voices. It stars Ryan Reynolds as a schizophrenic psychopath. He ends up murdering people. First accidentally, then intentionally. It’s a very dark comedy that after a while you start to feel sympathy for the devil.

I wonder what the hell I’m going to do with my life. I’m set adrift and can’t find an anchor anywhere. I’m trying to hold on to my faith, but with all of the setbacks I’m trying to wonder why I’m doing any of this.

Will there be a payoff that makes sense? Will I find what I’m looking for or just end up wondering why I did it? I can’t seem to catch a break right now so maybe this is all in my head.

I also wonder why God wants me in San Diego. Nothing ever good happened to me there. There are a lot of people that don’t like me because of the lies that Joy and Gina have told about me. All to cover their egos. Such a sad little 3040 Group. No honor, no love, only adultery, lies, deceit and deception. And they all wonder why they don’t have a Pastor yet.

In the end I need to start focusing on me. I can’t change the fact that Heidi stole 10 years and $1.2 million. She spends her money on a gay man named Chris who knits and cheats on her. Not that she would believe it. She thinks no one cheats on her, but Don was sleeping with other women besides Heidi and his wife. Chris is doing the same and I’ve seen it.

She thinks no one wants to cheat on her, but her weight loss is symbolic of her guilt and slow death. I don’t expect to see her survive this year. Even if my daughter tells me that she eats more. She is still getting smaller than is healthy. There is a part of me that wishes she would die, but that would just mean the three of us would starve to death.

I guess I can’t change the past, only the future. I should start making smarter choices soon before I get to heavy to lose weight and won’t make the 1/2 marathon in June.