5/13/2019 – She Won’t Pay Me Child Support

As usual, money is more important to her that honesty. She cares about power and money more than anything. The agreement we signed stopped on March15, 2019.

So I stopped seeing the kids. Last night she prevented My daughter from calling. I’m sure the babysitter will let her call tonight. I hope she doesn’t make the babysitter stop my daughter from calling. It’s important that my daughter talk with me. She knows I love her more than her mom. Then again Borderlines don’t love anything. Their abuse is destructive, and she spends all the time away from the kids.

At some point in time she will die and maybe my son. I hope my daughter doesn’t die. I need her for love and support. She may be OCD, and that’s how her Histrionic manifests. I don’t care, I can fix it.

Heidi is a selfish bitch and if she doesn’t pay me the money she owes me I will make an appointment with Robyn and see where it leads. She owes me money and I want it all back – especially the $1.2 million she stole from me for ten years of my life!!!

9/23/14 – Greedy Bitch

What a fucking bitch! Seriously, now she wants to change the retirement account allocations so she gets all of the earnings on the retirement accounts for her stalling on the divorce.

I send her an email about getting an appointment with the attorney. I call and text her to call me. She calls and leaves a message telling me her “spreadsheets” state that’s the way it’s always been and she will send them over. As if Excel can’t be changed…

I call her back and start telling her that’s unacceptable. She goes on some diatribe about me and in the back of my head I know she was looking through the account statements a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know how much the account has grown by, but it must be enough to fight over.

I finally tell her that she yelled at me and called me names last night so why shouldn’t I be upset with her trying to screw me out of more money. She tells me she never called me names and that is why we should have gone to the attorney in the first place. I reminded of calling me a greedy bastard trying to screw her over last night. That she has screwed me over for more than enough lifetimes as she derailed my career all for her own selfish needs and she says she agreed to it why keep hashing it out. I say good day.

I re-listen to the message and there is nothing in there on agreement. I call several times to tell her and she pushes me through to vmail. So I text her to let her know. No response. Not that I would if I were her.

But I sit here and read my church divorce group book and I don’t see Gods plan for my prosperity. I don’t see where there is any equality in this. No justice. Not that there is ever fairness or justice in this world, but I’m starting to doubt there is any in the next one either. I’m not sure I believe in God right now.

She gets everything and screws it all up for money and that’s ok. I get screwed. I may have been a monster 25 years ago, but I’ve paid the price for my sins. I shouldn’t have to pay the price for her sins. Nor should my children or my cats who she doesn’t seem to care much about.

I keep asking myself at what point in time will she look herself in a mirror and come to grips with what she’s done and make up for it. I know the answer is never, but I’m starting to wonder if sticking around is going to be helpful. I just want to throw it all away for a while and travel. Anything to get away from this pain.

I so want to be like other guys and start dating or just gravitate to the next girl. I want to be able to not feel like her and be comfortable in this misery. I want my compelling future that God has promised me according to his book…and I want it now!

The problem is I know it’s His time not mine but I’m getting tired.

Oh and the doctor wants an MRI on my ankle since it’s not healing. I’m starting to think the only left for Him to take is my daughter. I don’t think I could handle it if something happened to her. I need a nap – thankfully I got through what I needed at work. And to think I was praying for her healing last night. Where the fuck is mine?