5/13/2019 – She Won’t Pay Me Child Support

As usual, money is more important to her that honesty. She cares about power and money more than anything. The agreement we signed stopped on March15, 2019.

So I stopped seeing the kids. Last night she prevented My daughter from calling. I’m sure the babysitter will let her call tonight. I hope she doesn’t make the babysitter stop my daughter from calling. It’s important that my daughter talk with me. She knows I love her more than her mom. Then again Borderlines don’t love anything. Their abuse is destructive, and she spends all the time away from the kids.

At some point in time she will die and maybe my son. I hope my daughter doesn’t die. I need her for love and support. She may be OCD, and that’s how her Histrionic manifests. I don’t care, I can fix it.

Heidi is a selfish bitch and if she doesn’t pay me the money she owes me I will make an appointment with Robyn and see where it leads. She owes me money and I want it all back – especially the $1.2 million she stole from me for ten years of my life!!!

3/10/19 – Heidi Is Going Crazy Over Custody Schedules

We are going to go to mediation, which means we don’t have to go by the State of California law. But she wants, demands that we adhere to it. There is a time and place for moving to Austin, I don’t think right now is the time.

What happens if she dies soon? Will she kill one or both of my kids? At least I am safe from her constant harassment. My son called me last week to complain about his mom. He is the one I see in the reflection drowning in blood. When I took a picture a couple of days ago he waved at me. I thought that was funny since he knows I always wave at him. Funny to see the demons make him wave. He was also dressed in normal clothes.

I guess the danger is still there. There will always be a danger with her in the picture. She doesn’t care about the kids, only her need for self-gratification. That’s her issue and it will die with her one-day. I just hope I am there to see it, without having to bury both of my kids.

3/5/19 – Still Thinking About Austin

Kansas is married, and she doesn’t like me. I saw her two days ago, and she had her husband speed up so I wouldn’t know where they went.

I think Austin is the best option for me. My son called a couple of times last night, but I was already asleep. I think Heidi tried to hurt him. If that is the case, then I have no choice but to take him with me. That’s not fair to him.

There is always an issue with Heidi. She doesn’t care about herself or others. She just cares about herself and her insanity. She doesn’t love anyone but herself and never will like anyone else, but herself. She is always trying to destroy others and never tho is about anyone else but herself. She is a destructive force that knows no love, compassion, or mercy for anyone. One day she will die, and things will end over their.

They will be my children and no one will love them the way that I do. That is the one thing I have that they don’t get from Heidi. ❤️

At some point in time, I need to leave this insanity behind me and watch the world from a distance. There will always be a place for me in this world. Just not in So Cal.

2/26/19 – I Sit At VW Services

I’m trying to figure out what all of this insanity really means. I found pictures of Heidi having sex with women, and I think she may be bisexual. The problem is that the insanity will continue until she dies. If she has a heart attack on the freeway, then everyone dies.

That’s my biggest fear is that I will be left alone in this world without my kids. I love them, but she uses them for money. She doesn’t even like my son, and she only pretends to like my daughter. One day they will all be gone and I will be left alone wondering what the hell happened to my life.

I know she is a Borderline and has no moral or ethical construct to develop into something amazing. If I want to send the pictures to her boss at EY she would be fired. Then maybe she would kill herself. She knows what it’s like to steal money from my kids and the repercussions for it. Like a black eye!

I hope at some point she does kill herself and doesn’t kill one of my kids. That’s the point, I love them and she doesn’t.

She started changing my blog again, and I threatened to leave the state if she did it again, and leave the kids with her full time. A fresh start for me in Austin. Maybe I can find some work there? There are a lot of tax jobs out there I just need to network with the right people to land one. I’ve been on my own for so long, that they think I can’t handle the stress of my job. Oh well, Heidi will eventually kill everyone in that house and I will be left alone unless she kills herself first. That would be the best plan. Keep my children safe.

The real problem with BPD’s is the narcissism that goes with them. They have no moral or ethical construct and they don’t care about anyone but themselves. That’s the dilemma. If she destroys herself then she will destroy my kids. If she cares so little about them she will destroy them from the inside out.

My daughter is going to be a histrionic, like Joy Houle. Always selfish, never loving or in control. She cheated on me, but she lies about it so people don’t know. That’s what histrionics do. They lie to cover up their failures.

2/5/19 – There Is Still A Fear That Heidi Will Die Sooner

What will be my legacy? I can’t stand this constant nagging that if I leave that I will have to move back to California for the kids. There is an issue with her mental health that constantly reminds me that she make take my children’s lives and leave me with nothing.

I haven’t heard anything today, and am wondering if WSC is where I need to be. RTS has an English only version of the M Div, and I think that would be a better choice for me. The languages are not coming naturally for me and there is something that I’m not being connected to God right now. Maybe I’m the problem?

Either way, I need to find a way out of this state and find a new path to go down. Kansas isn’t speaking to me, and I have constant dreams of grandeur that are not healthy for me. Maybe this life is all that is left in me. Maybe there is not afterlife to get to. Maybe this is all a dream?

I found an English only M Div in Richmond, VA. It costs less then WSC and the move would take me away from the kids and Heidi. Maybe it’s all worth it? Maybe they are already dead and I can move freely about the country?

2/4/19 – Thinking About Moving To Austin

There is a point in time where you really need a break from the insanity. My son ran off again yesterday for no reason at all. My daughter is turning into a Histrionic, and I don’t have many friends here in Escondido.

There is a time when healing is more important than now. Heidi is a whore who has pictures on porn sites and she doesn’t seem to care. I know she is a Borderline because having her boyfriend is more important than anything else in the world. She ignores my children and never is home during the week. She has church groups and yoga. Anything to get her to die sooner is welcome in my life.

I know she is anorexic and will die soon, but there is a point in time where the advice of my professional counselor comes in handy. Ben dated a Borderline as well, and finally gave up a great business for healing. Maybe it’s time I leave the state and let Heidi deal with the kids all on her own. I know Chris will drop her like a bomb so he can grab someone else.

I know she is cheating on him, and he is cheating on her. It’s a weird reality that they don’t seem to care. He dates her for money and sex, and she is a Borderline so she doesn’t want to be alone.

At some point in time I need to find peace in this life and serve God somehow. I don’t know when or where, but there is a Triune God and he desires my life for his glory. At some point in time I need to heal and leave this wonderful state for someplace where she cannot get to.

2/19/18 – More 3040 Drama

One of the members of 3040 contacts me about Tague. She has done this before, and she was generally kind to me when I knew her. So I answer her questions.

Then she sends out an email and people in 3040 are giving her grief over the email. The news reports state that Tague pleaded guilty to two counts of pedophilia. The San Diego website states that there are three counts that he will be sentenced for. Most of the news sources are still stating that he will get 10 to 20 years +/- time served and potential for parole.

Then again anything in 3040 is always drama. I sent her pictures of the San Diego website and let her know that people are angry with Tague and not her. In the end she understood. She is a kind person. I hope her tribe doesn’t give her too much insanity.

That’s the problem with 3040. They always blow up over nonsense. They put adulterers in the center of a ministry and wonder why 9 months later the fifth largest church in San Diego can’t find a Pastor for them.

No one wants to do the job, and lead the island of misfit toys.

The strangest thing is most of the people don’t have kids. At least 85% don’t. The few who do generally leave the kids with parents to party with the group. How sad is that? They could care less about the children. Then again Heidi does the same thing.

My son hates her and doesn’t want to live with her. My daughter doesn’t like her, but loves her because she is “mom.” There does not seem to be much relationship between her and the kids anymore. My daughter can’t even read and Heidi doesn’t seem to care.

How sad for my daughter? If she flunks first grade what will happen to her? She will be overweight, and unliked and called stupid. Two weekends ago she told me she wanted to live with me so that I could teach her to read. Maybe God has a plan to unite all of us again…