5/13/2019 – She Won’t Pay Me Child Support

As usual, money is more important to her that honesty. She cares about power and money more than anything. The agreement we signed stopped on March15, 2019.

So I stopped seeing the kids. Last night she prevented My daughter from calling. I’m sure the babysitter will let her call tonight. I hope she doesn’t make the babysitter stop my daughter from calling. It’s important that my daughter talk with me. She knows I love her more than her mom. Then again Borderlines don’t love anything. Their abuse is destructive, and she spends all the time away from the kids.

At some point in time she will die and maybe my son. I hope my daughter doesn’t die. I need her for love and support. She may be OCD, and that’s how her Histrionic manifests. I don’t care, I can fix it.

Heidi is a selfish bitch and if she doesn’t pay me the money she owes me I will make an appointment with Robyn and see where it leads. She owes me money and I want it all back – especially the $1.2 million she stole from me for ten years of my life!!!

6/2/14 – Still Hating Her

This is not a healthy situation.  I know that anger is an energy and has it’s place in the world.  It is part of the healing process – one of the five stages of grief.  It helps to uplift a person out of depression and produce an adrenaline rush to garner energy and momentum if directed properly.  As the father of the two 20-something daughters in the apartment upstairs who seems to be back to his old f-bomb antics on the stairs right now can attest to, too much anger is an unhealthy reality.

I’ve been spending a lot of time reviewing the video I took of my son and what Hunter has been up to.  I know he hates to talk about it.  He has an unmistakable fear that the authorities will take him away from her so he tends to down play what has happened.  At the same time his constant reference that Hunter is aiming more of her anger at my daughter is disturbing.  Especially since my daughter has seem to have completed a 180 on Hunter.  She now wants to spend more nights over there and misses her mom all the time.

Tonight during our FaceTime daughter even went through the process of telling me she wants to stay at moms house.  Before Saturday she would always tell me how much she wants to stay with me, and spend more time with me, and wanted me to come to stay with her at moms house, or if I could take her to my house.  That seems to have changed, and that with my sons discussion about how Hunter has directed her anger at daughter is starting to piss me off.  That and I am still wondering how daughter got her thumb sized bruise on the inside of the her arm.  I am sure I am just reading more into things than may actually be there, but I also know that Hunter can be a time bomb of anger and explosive behavior.  She has hit me, my son, but I have never seen her do it to my daughter.

As a BPD it is not unusual for her behavior to be erratic to say the least, and her explosive anger adds to a small child’s instability and destroys its sense of security.  I can see my daughter already starting to mold her statements to the audience.  To me she tells me she wants to get away from Hunter and move to Orange County with me.  When mom arrives she tells her she wants to go home with her, but no crying.  My daughter is already mastering the art of targeted presentations based on the audience. I would rather her to learn to tell the truth appropriately.

The truth always comes through her imagination.  She is the mom and has two children.  An older son named Andy and a younger daughter named Molly.  If you have seen Toy Story you understand the dynamics.  However, in her world she is the mom and there tends to be a strong correlation between what she and her children live through and what happens at home.  When mom has a bad day at work and yells at Andy or Molly I know what happened.  When Molly wasn’t listening and had to spend time in her room I know why.  When Andy had a bad day and fought with mom I know what she is describing.

I just wish I knew what to do.  Having seen how my son can misinterpret my actions and blow them up into a situation where it seems that he would have gone to the ER instead of just his room its hard to understand what is real from what is hyperbole.  And small kids are always getting hurt and bruised – especially my dauntless daughter.

Again I sit here angry with Hunter.  I can’t get my time back, and I can’t make her punish herself enough to make up for what she’s done. I truly can’t figure out how much emotional damage she is inflicting on the kids and how much me asking about it is creating the issues.

In the end I don’t even know if I truly want her to hate herself anymore.  Who wants to live  knowing that you have destroyed so many lives for baseless fears?  Spending your days feeling nothing, angry, or constantly knowing that you are not the same as other people on the inside must be a frightening thing.  I just don’t have the strength right now to open up my compassionate side and not fall for her wiles or back into old relationship habits.  None of which would be healthy for any of us.

I just need to keep praying for my Creators forgiveness to flow through me to her.  I just don’t have the ability to generate that forgiveness for her internally right now. I would rather just hate and be angry with her, but that means I will never unchain myself from her or move forward in life.  We both need peace and a reboot.  Unfortunately, I just don’t believe she will ever get what she wants and I will be part of her life for at least another 15 to 20 years.  If she doesn’t get what she wants, I and my children will be the ones to pay for it emotionally, physically, and financially.

Obviously forgiveness, detachment, and faith are things I have failed to learn in my 40 years on Earth and will spend the remainder of my days learning these things until I can finally let go and move forward.

5/12/14 – WTF – Irritability and Anger

Really? How quickly can someone turn into a complete bitch? I get it. It’s called “splitting.” Or it’s a criteria to meet for a diagnosis:

BPD is a cluster B personality disorder where an essential feature of which is a pattern of marked impulsivity and instability of affects, interpersonal relationships and self image. Other symptoms include intense anger and irrationality.

Yeah – fuck that. Five texts and two emails today from Hunter. Some about her Dad, our son, and money for our daughters pictures. She just a $25k cash bonus, and I give up $35k a year in alimony and can she get $20 to split out daughters class pictures. And she gets both the 8 x 10’s and we split everything else blah, blah, blah. Cheap bitch is eventually going to come to Jesus and get her due.

At our sons playoff game she is there early and she has already changed into shorts. She can’t get out early to drop the kids off at a midpoint if I move to Orange County, but for a game where she can show off her tan legs in her new daisy duke style shorts – no worries.

That’s ok. She is worried about her dad who seems to be flip flopping in and out of surgery. Everything is fine, but she gets some text or email and it looks like she is about to cry. I text her if everything is ok and she blows me off. Maybe it’s work, maybe it’s her dad, maybe her boyfriend just told her to get lost, maybe the Locke Ness Monster told her she was pregnant with her baby and she can’t afford the child supports. I don’t know what it is, but she blows up after I ask her about it.

She is a bitch to me, to my daughter, to my mom. I walk away and talk with some of the other parents. I walk back and ask if this is the last inning. She goes on a diatribe about yes it, she knows, she overhead them talk, etc, etcetera. I say it’s not like I would know. There is no way to know which dugout is home or away.

This is an old argument between her and I. She is head strong on third base side is home. That’s where the Angels keep it. But more teams keep it on the first base side in MLB. She doesn’t know it because she doesn’t really know a lot about things she has not personally experienced. She always chastises me on this, but she is just plain wrong. She starts in on this again, and I stop her in her tracks. I walk away.

On the way out she yells at my mom about the end of the inning. Hunter goes on about the wrong playoff schedule since she obviously did not look at the new schedule the league just sent out. I know I’m not the “alpha male” jock type, but I did coach his team the last time he played and I was on the Leagues Board. I know a few of the basics and I don’t need this brat to tell me the why’s and where’s of baseball because she used to watch her brother play. Force out is not a Star Wars movie.

I keep walking. On the way out, she starts yelling at Son and the coach backs her up but things start going bad because Hunter has to take them out to dinner in order to bribe son into playing. (They didn’t win but son had four hits, two RBI’s, and an out. Not too bad for an Aspie with horrible ADHD). She starts going on about calling me late and I tell her not to. I don’t want to talk to her if she is still in bitch mode, much less watch the kids cry because she has treated them like shit.

I go grocery shopping, and get home around 8:30 to a quiet house and peaceful reality. Talked with a couple of people and watched a hot married blond follow me around the store. I ignore her. If you are married you are not on my radar – even if she wants to talk about some new TJ’s cookie style peanut butter. If there is a ring – you are not for me.

Hunter is a fucking nightmare and my Creator needs to help me get her out of my head and my daughter out of her roof. My patience is getting low, but hopefully I can help her find a way to walk away from both kids. Time to eradicate everyone from her illness since it is obvious she is never going to seek treatment – just a new prop to replace me and the rest of her imperfect family. Then all hell will break loose.