3/16/17 – Letting Go

Heidi tells me that she will get back to me in a week with her answer on child support. Funny she thinks she can move around this. This support is court ordered and non-negotiable. She’s lucky I’m not going for spousal support. She is going to stay in her hell and be there forever. 

She spent two years and nine months trying to get back together with before dating. She gets eaten up on Match, and is now dating some loser in her church group. She knows he’s not the type of guy she would date, but it’s better than being alone. I’m sure she is paying for a lot of the dates. 

I think I have come to the conclusion of selling the house. I may or may not visit with the kids afterwards. I don’t like not spending time with them, but I also don’t need them to see what Heidi has done to another human being. 

What a waste of a life? That piece of shit woman destroys everything she touches. I spoke with my daughters psychologist this morning and she told me Heidi already spoke to her. 

Heidi’s distortion campaign is in full effect and she is trying to drive me out of the area. I’m sure she thinks that her guilt will go away with out me around. What she doesn’t know is that with out me in the picture she will have the kids 24/7 and all her time with Chris will vanish…as the kids will get worse because they will blame her for me being gone. That will make that house a nightmare for everyone. Besides her guilt is in lies, in her premarital sex, and in her past. It has nothing to do with me and will continue to eat her alive in this life as well as condemn her to hell in the next one.

Sometimes you have to let go to save yourself. 

Heidi will always be a selfish, shallow, greedy monster destroying every life she touches. And I will always be the one she goes after because I know her truth and can expose her. 

Maybe exposure is the only way to stop it?

Maybe that is the only way to save the kids too?

3/15/17 – Divorce Day

I have my meeting with Heidi and our mediator this afternoon to go over supports. I have the feeling that Heidi will blow up and try and screw me. She only cares about sex and money so she is never alone. A typical borderline trait. 

I told my kids that if Heidi didn’t do right by me today that I would never see any of them ever again. I can’t sit around and starve to death with my kids watching so that psychopath and stay rich and fucking her stupid church boyfriend. 

If she does try and screw me she will wonder where I’m at this Friday and sit in that parking lot forever with no return text or phone call. I’ll be gone and all of her prescious plans will be gone. 

She will have the kids 100% of the time, and everyone at work, at church, and in her family will have read about her. She will be totally alone with the kids and very little support or friends. No one wants to be friends with a psychopath. 

She has already ruined my daughter so there isn’t much left for me in this life. Time to sell everything and move on to a new life without them!

….

She yelled and screamed and told me her new boyfriend was so much better than me. I listed her sins and she told me that the everyone in her church group knew. They don’t know about the faked pregnancies or faked suicides and using me for her career then throwing me away. 

I told her to just pay me child support and I would forgo the spousal support. She never responded. 

I want nothing to do with her anymore, and the faster I can get away from her the better. She will never be normal. She will never be healthy. She will alsways abuse me and our children until everyone is destroyed. 

She told me she tries to forgive me everyday, and I know it’s projection. She is trying to forgive herself and she never will. She will continue to reinvent herself to not be alone and will continue to fuck up every relationship until she dies alone and miserable. 

I’m tired of all the drama. I guess it’s time to walk away from her and see if I can reinvent myself down here and still make a living. We shall see. 

When I decided to move out my thought was prison or dying on the streets. We shall see if God wants me to die on the streets or something more in-line with his will

3/13/17 – She’s Reading My Blog Again

Funny how Heidi always has to stalk me. She’s reading this blog again. Her face book profile changed and went on about how people change after being hurt. I find it hilarious that she still sees herself as the injured party. 

Heidi had affairs, faked pregnancies, faked suicides, and destroyed my life to indulge her fantasy world and can’t accept responsibility for any of it. She blames me. 

She can keep fucking her stupid little boyfriend and hangout with her stupid little church friends and I will burn her to the ground this week. It’s all over for her if she doesn’t cut me the checks. 

My daughter told me that mom had a lot on her mind Saturday afternoon so the kids had to go to bed early. I’m guessing readying my blog put her into a bit of a tizzy. I’m sure she knows I have all my daughters troop emails for the moms. I know her close friends and their respective contact emails in her church group including Chris. I’m sure he would never touch her again after reading the blog. 

She knows I know all her Qualcomm peeps contact info. She would end up working at QCOM like she did at PwC – hated! That’s what she deserves after all that. 

She is destroying my daughter and I have the proof. She is abusing both my children while lying to the world. I guess that free ride in San Diego / starting over isn’t going to be too much longer for her. 

Her new life ends this week! She better hope to crawl under a heavy rock over the couple of days before the 15th or everything will turn sideways for her. She can kiss her life goodbye!

3/5/17 – Heidi Wants To Get Married

My daughter told me that Heidi is dating a guy in her church group – Chris. Funny how I called it at the very beginning of it in December. 

Amazingly enough my daughter told me that she thinks mom wants to marry him. Less than two months and Heidi is already looking to remarry. I find that to be sad. She must be really lonely. 

I know she hooked up with a few guys on match and it didn’t work out. They dumped her. But to jump into a full time relationship with a guy who makes little money, no education, and likes to jog and ride street bicycles (both of which she hates), seems like a leap. She must be really lonely. 

My daughter hates him. 

It doesn’t help to hear that Heidi is still locking my daughter in her room, yelling and screaming at both of them, and throwing away my daughters toys and favorite movie. Now I’m unemployed and have to buy a princess movie because Heidi threw Princess and the Frog away. And the school wonders why she is having such difficulties at school. My heart breaks for this little girl, but there isn’t much I can do until God does His work inside me or in the real world. 

I’m just trying to keep my shit together for a new job. Not easy giving food to the homeless yesterday and wondering if that is my future. I don’t have the health for it right now. Bad right hip. Bad left leg from the fallen arch. 

Still need to keep positive, and pushing forward. 

I’m truly wondering if God has broken everything of my old life to give me the freedom to start a new one. 

I used to want to be a counselor. Was even admitted into a program in Carlsbad after my son’s diagnosis. Heidi wouldn’t let me go at night. Someone had to take care of the kids. 

My son now hears Heidi and Chris talking and laughing after church group. I’m sure they are having sex on Tuesday’s and evey other weekend. It’s not like her to no use her body to control a guy. A lot like Joy. 

I just need to keep apply for jobs and start informational interviews for either seminary or counseling. Either would give me a little more peace, although not financially successful. 

I guess there is a value for living a more authentic life than money. Just need to figure out what is best for me and move forward accordingly.  

1/15/17 – More Shit Stolen

I lost it a little bit this morning. Sent Heidi several texts about not giving me my stuff. As usual, no response. I’m sure she won’t because it’s her desire to get a response from me. She needs to know I’m still in this somehow and stealing from me is the only way she can get it.

It’s just making me tired and miserable.

Anger is her ability to control me. The more I hate her the more she owns me. 

The more I understand that she is a scared little child inside an adult body begging for people to hate her because she hates herself the more freedom I have from her.

It’s time to walk away from everything and start fresh. What I don’t have I don’t need? I hope that’s true. There are things that are mind that I will never get back. Probably don’t need any of it.

Just need to walk away free of anger and a heart filled with forgiveness.

I’m not there yet, but I need to get there.

The more I focus on the past, the more I miss the present and the future. What a waste?

At least I had some growth through this pain. I hope 2017 becomes a series of growth oriented events so that I can move forward with a beautiful life!


12/23/16 – She Is Trying To Give Up Time With The Kids

Another day, another request to give up her time with the kids. I am getting tired of sacrificing my life for this bitch who abuses my children and ignores them for a hookup with the boyfriend.

What are my children going to be like when they are older? Living a life being unmoved and abused. I know. They will be like me. Always searching outside of myself for love because I never had any for myself. It was never instilled inside of me when I was a kid and it’s difficult to find it there as an adult.

That’s why I married Heidi. She was the first person to make me feel loved. And now my life is devastated for it. 

I can’t spend my life this way. I need to find a way into happiness and the light.


12/13/16 – Today Sucks

I just got a text from Heidi about taking the kids for an overnight on Sunday. She says it’s for a birthday party for a friend, but why an overnight for a Sunday. Nothing is open late around here on a Sunday.

I’m sure she is sleeping over at her boyfriends place or he is sleeping at her place. That or Heidi is hosting the party and she doesn’t want the kids there again.

What a horrible fucking mom?

Why can’t she just be nice to the kids in her own home? Because she is a selfish bitch. That’s why Joy is slamming me whenever she gets a chance. Same with Amanda. All fucking nut jobs, and I dated them all to make my life stressful. Actually, because I was unhealed.

I’m not that much healthier, but at least I understand why I did what I did. I can’t change it. I just need to deal with it.

I find it funny that she always asks me for help, but never provides it unless it is convenient for her. She still needs me to take care of her. 

I’m sure she will get used to me saying no. I’m not interested in helping her anymore unless she does the same. She never will. It’s not in her makeup to be generous or kind to anyone but herself. She will always be lost, and I need to detach from all this drama.

I feel like I need to leave the state for a while. Ben told me to, but I did not take his advice. Now I wish I could. Somedays are a nightmare for me. 

Heidi has a boyfriend. Joy has a soon to be fiance. Amanda is just bat shit crazy, and pretending to be happy. I know she’s miserable and hiding it. No one else knows because most of those single parents are messed up too. I just need a new life soon.

This one is not working for me….

My parents took the babysitting opportunity for Heidi so she can fuck her boyfriend. I let my parents know I’m no longer interested in a relationship with them. They always took my sister’s side as a kid and now Heidi’s side as an adult.

I’m done!