5/13/2019 – She Won’t Pay Me Child Support

As usual, money is more important to her that honesty. She cares about power and money more than anything. The agreement we signed stopped on March15, 2019.

So I stopped seeing the kids. Last night she prevented My daughter from calling. I’m sure the babysitter will let her call tonight. I hope she doesn’t make the babysitter stop my daughter from calling. It’s important that my daughter talk with me. She knows I love her more than her mom. Then again Borderlines don’t love anything. Their abuse is destructive, and she spends all the time away from the kids.

At some point in time she will die and maybe my son. I hope my daughter doesn’t die. I need her for love and support. She may be OCD, and that’s how her Histrionic manifests. I don’t care, I can fix it.

Heidi is a selfish bitch and if she doesn’t pay me the money she owes me I will make an appointment with Robyn and see where it leads. She owes me money and I want it all back – especially the $1.2 million she stole from me for ten years of my life!!!

10/9/14 – Seriously I Have Work To Do

Another trying day. This whole week has been just an unbearable emotional roller coaster around Hunter. I don’t know what brought out all of the hate and anger lately. All I really want is to see her fly from this existence.

Maybe it’s the fact that she hasn’t called the attorney or given me days she is available so I can. Maybe it’s the fact that everytime something doesn’t go her way she yells and screams at my son and I in public. Maybe it’s the fact that my daughter is now acting like my son and hurting her best friend at school at least once a week. Today she hit her on the head with a toy shovel. Maybe it’s the fact that I feel that my job isn’t in jeopardy anymore but already gone and now Hunter will have won that for eternity.

And how am I supposed to go looking for a job knowing that everyone thought I knew about her affair and I’m not someone they respect enough to help. Our worse I tell them the truth and everyone thinks I’m a naive moron not worth helping out. Either way I think they are right.

I’m guessing it’s the public humiliation and emasculating nature that makes me want to crawl into a whole. So many people knew and because of it either stopped talking to us or were proud of her for doing the “right thing” which she never did. I just want to blow her life up as much she did mine.

I know it’s not right. I know it’s unhealthy. I know I should be learning forgiveness but I want revenge. I need to meditate on this big time. It’s not healthy at all for me much less my career or my kids.

Last night I couldn’t even make eye contact with her when she came in to pick up the kids. I don’t think I have said anything to her directly since Sunday.

Good news – the apartment management redid my lease and reduced it by $115 a month. Everything related to money has been less than expected this year. I’m wondering if God was giving me a few financial breaks all year long knowing that I might really need them.

And that’s the worst thing. If I can’t get this agreement settled before I need to tap her for supports then she will (smartly) use the law to get advantage and break off five or six years worth. Not that I think I would need it ten years, but if I had to buy a practice I would need at least five years to get everything paid off and I wouldn’t get it from her that long if I lost my job before everything was signed.

I am guessing there is some solution out there that He must be putting in place. I hope it includes a pretty, and kind woman, and Hunter giving me my kids so that I can raise them in a quieter place. Maybe my dream of moving to Bermuda or the Caymans will come true. I don’t know what is inside me that I need to deal with but all I can think of right now is :

Hunter – fuck you!