8/6/18 – Her The Movie

Strange world we live in. I am watching the movie Her and I still hear kids playing outside. The saddest part is knowing that the movie does not end well. Joaquin Phoenix ends up in love with an AI.

I have a lot of fear about the kids with Heidi right now. Her anorexia is out of control and I’m afraid that she might get into a car wreck and kill them all. It frightens me to think that they will never come back from vacation. The best part of my life was being a dad. I can’t think of anything else that is as rewarding as that. Still the fear comes and goes.

I need to keep focusing on weight and exercise, while getting all the reading done and working through Hebrew. It’s not that easy at my age. I also have to learn Koine. That is even harder.

7/29/18 – Getting Settled In Escondido

The movers did a good job, but it was pricey. AT&T comes tomorrow for the cable and the Internet. My kids will desperately need it. I will also get my car washed and waxed tomorrow as well as get some reading done and start Hebrew.

It’s tough on the kids. It is hot out here and there is always a lot of little kids around, but not so many their age. I hope they enjoy the time here. I will be spending a lot of time studying and working out otherwise no one will date me. I would still like to get married again.

I just hope my children don’t die by their anorexic mother. She keeps getting smaller and I don’t like the look of her anymore. She is getting really small and that is totally unhealthy. At some point in time she will have a heart attack and either kill herself or everyone in the car when it happens. I hope my kids are not around when it does finally take place.

It’s a scary thought to have to bury your children before you die. It’s a dramatic event that I do not relish. I would rather pass asay then let them die, but I can’t change Heidi. She is determined to get out of this world what she put into it – nothing. She took from everyone and destroyed everything of value for a sociopath. Part of my wishes her dead, but the other part wants my children to live.

We shall see how things progress. I don’t what the future will hold!

7/12/18 – Heidi Is Hated By Everyone

I love how she pretends to be a Christian. She lets her boyfriend fuck her whenever he wants, and she always pays for the dates. He never pays for anything. She faked suicides, faked pregnancies, had affairs and faked pregnancies on those guys as well. Then she emails the wives to destroy the marriages.

She uses me for a decade of not loving me and using me to raise the kids while she works on her career and then throws me away after she starts earning more money. Her boyfriend only uses her for sex and money just like she used me. He doesn’t love her nor will he ever care about her. He actually makes her anorexic and is destroying her life. She is dying inside since she told me The only person that made her feel loved was me. I can see why she wants to die. There is no one that makes her feel loved anymore and she hates her kids.

My son hates her and my daughter isn’t that interested in being with her. They both want to live with me and they both want her to die. It’s sad when everyone on earth doesn’t want her in her life. My kids don’t. Qualcomm doesn’t want her. Chris is only using her, and I can’t stand to see her dying because she can’t have what she wants which is to be loved.

That’s the biggest issue with Borderline’s – they hate everyone and mostly themselves since they destroy everything of value to themselves. One day she will die and the world will be relieved, but my life will change dramatically.

7/9/18 – Heidi Still Doesn’t Think She Has A Weight Problem

Every time I see her she keeps getting smaller. She has hired her sister-in-law to help get her smaller. I wonder why Sarah would help her die? She must see her as already anorexic, knowing what healthy people look like. I know I am a few pounds overweight, but hopefully, I will be at a healthy weight soon.

Every time I see Heidi she is getting worse. At some point in time, she will have a massive heart attack and die right in front of the kids. There is only so much fat that Heidi can take off before there is nothing left. She used to have C cups, but now there is nothing left but skin and nipples. That is not healthy. She has no butt anymore and at some point in time she will die and leave the kids to me.

I just pray that God will save my kids and not allow her to take them with her when she dies. There is always a possibility that she will have a seizure on the freeway, is she will faint while driving the car and run a red light.

One day there will be a serious problem if she doesn’t get help. Part of me thinks she is trying to die on purpose. If I had all those horrible memories in my head I would want to die too.

7/4/18 – Happy 4th Of July – Heidi’s Anorexia Is In Full Swing Again

So I pick up the kids and they tell me mom is working out like a mad person. She is using her sister-in-law for help since she owns a gym with yoga and other equipment. She has gone from C cups to A cups upstairs and there is no butt left to look at. It’s as if she has given up on life and is desperate to get out of it. My daughter asked me who would take care of them if she died and I said I would. That would certainly screw up my life, but at least they would be safe. They are not really safe right now, but that would force me into some sort of reality shift. I doubt I would date or be able to find help other than family since my son is on the Spectrum. That would change a lot of my needs for money unless I can convince my former brother-in-law to allow us to live in that house. I could go to court and get the sale blocked since my son is handicapped in this state. However, that would cut into my savings. I am sure I would make it back in free rent.In the end I can’t change her and she cannot change me. I guess I will prepare the kids for the eventual outcome and make sure there is a true transition once it happens.

7/2/18 – Stop Looking Back

Heidi went to a concert and took the kids. So she didn’t get to call me on Sunday. As usual, Heidi cares more about herself than she does her children. This always happens. She only cares about herself and no one else. At some point in time she knows that the kids don’t want to live with her, but for her, it’s a money issue. As long as she has the power that’s all she cares about. At some point in time, all hell will break loose in that house if she doesn’t die soon.She keeps getting smaller and smaller. At some point in time, her anorexia will get the better of her and things in her life will change dramatically. Whether that is death or has some permanent health issue, she will regret giving Chris so much power to destroy her life. At some point in time, she will destroy everything in her life. That’s what Borderline’s do. They destroy everything in their lives since they don’t love themselves or anything else in the world. I hope she finally gets help, but I know that will never happen. Her narcissism will get the best of her and she will destroy everything she touches. That’s just the way life goes I guess. Nothing I can do but move forward in life and not look to the past anymore.

6/27/18 – She Refuses To Acknowledge Her Interview

I sent her a message through TalkingParents.com and she refuses to acknowledge that she had a job interview. Maybe she just doesn’t know if she got the job?

It will suck for the kids since neither of them want to live with her. I’m not sure where she will go, if she gets the job but the kids will be crushed. My son believes she hates him and why not she has choked him three times and allowed her boyfriend to choke him. My daughter fears for her safety when she is left alone with the two of them. There is a lot of violence in the house and she always locks my daughter in her room. Heidi actually holds the door closed as she hurts my son.

There is never a safe moment over there. They are always on edge because Heidi can’t control her own emotions. When she is out of control then the kids become traumatized with the results.

Heidi doesn’t care. The only thing she cares about is control and she doesn’t have any right now. When she sells the house she will make a mint off of my life, but she doesn’t because it’s power for her. It’s always about money and her ability to wield it. Right now she has no power except to manipulate the kids and her boyfriend. Then again once she moves she will never have another boyfriend and no one to control but the kids. How sad is that?

She doesn’t care. Heidi only cares about power and money. So sad to see her destroy everything she touches without mercy or care. She only wants to destroy herself since she hates herself. That’s why she lies all the time. Just like Joy at the Foundry. Always lying to protect and ego that does not exist.