9/3/18 – More Anorexia With Heidi

She won’t eat, and she won’t change. I keep telling her that she is unhealthy, but that’s not my concern. I told her today that if she died I would not take the kids to her funeral. She needs to eat or die. Either way I will have to adjust my life appropriately.

There is a time and a place for death and at 43 she is not ready to die yet. I cannot fathom what must be going on inside her head to want out of this life. I understand that she got fired from work for treating people poorly. I know she can’t find a job looking like death in the interview process.

There is a point in time where people check out and decide death is a better answer. For her it will not be. She is not forgiven, or loved by my Father or my Savior. She will reckon with hell in the afterlife. I wish she would get her shit together since I will end up taking care of the kids when she dies, and I don’t have the strength to make it all work right now.

I hope her heart changes and she figures out death is the worst of her plans. She needs to gain weight before she dies soon.

8/22/18 – As Usual Heidi Denies Her Place In This World

She won’t pay for clothes for the kids. She spends all her money on her boyfriend who is just using her for money and sex. Like Don Stone, she is just being used. As a Borderline she needs companionship all the time.

I have let her know that if she keeps this shit up I will sue her for the kids and she will be paying me 17% of her fictitious salary. The courts are not interested in hypotheticals. She owes and she owes and she Wil never see the kids again after everything they have been through.

She stole my son and daughters money while replacing it with fake money. This is insane. She got a black eye the week after vacation because she wouldn’t buy my son a remote control car even though he has the money to buy it. My son believes that he had a right to buy it, but Heidi decided that he wasn’t allowed to buy it. She deserved the black eye after treating my son that way.

She never takes care of the kids. They haven’t had new clothes in over a year except for shoes. She uses her money on Chris because she can’t be alone and Chris uses her for the money and sex. One day she will die from her anorexia and he will never see her again.

8/20/18 – Heidi Won’t Pay Me $20

I buy my daughter a backpack for the new school year, and Heidi won’t pay me back for it. Typical of a Borderline they steal from everyone and destroy everything in their lives. She stole my son and daughters money and then hid fake bills in the piggy banks.

I just can’t understand why she won’t pay me. It’s her responsibility to pay for the school stuff, but since she is unemployed she is stealing from me and the kids. How sad is that? She can’t even do the right thing with me or the kids because she is selfish. Lost and alone and with no one wanting to be with her except for money and self. Things she freely gives away to not be alone right now.

There is something desperately tragic with her. She can’t keep a job, can’t find a new one and does not seem to care about my kids. One day she will die and I will either sue the estate or take over the trust with the kids. I hope they don’t die with her. That would be tragic. The fact that I have documentation or her anorexia is enough evidence to liquidate the estate if she kills my kids with her.

I can’t change her I can only change myself. One day things will be better, but I don’t see that happening soon. Nothing but tragedy in the future until something breaks for my benefit. Maybe that will never happen in my life?

8/15/18 – Chris Is In San Francisco

As usual a Borderline can’t be alone. She got Chris to come up to San Francisco. I’m sure to replace the memories of her and I up there. Typical, she starved herself for him and I am the bad guy. She has sex with him in front of my kids and they don’t seem to notice. She gets an extra room for her and Chris and leaves the kids alone in a different room.

Typical shit from her. She cares so little of the kids that she is willing to destroy her relationship with them for a boyfriend who is only using her for sex and money. Some days I wonder what is going through her mind that she would abandon her children for a guy who is just using her.

He also the guy telling her to lose weight and this is going to end poorly for her. Maybe even for my children? If she has a heart attack in the car with the kids there then they all die. That would be a disaster for me.

I can’t change the world, but I can pray and ask God to spare my children. But I can’t change His mind. I can only let things happen as they will. What a waiting game?

8/11/18 – Finished The Reading, and Starting Hebrew

The strange part about all of this is Heidi is all the way up past San Francisco with the kids on vacation. It must be nice for her with the kids and all the wonderful stuff they are doing using my money.

I just pray they don’t die up there!

Tomorrow is starting Hebrew and keeping that part in motion. It’s a strange reality to be learning dead languages, but it’s part of my new reality. I’ve met a number of people who live here and some seem really nice. Others are a bit introverted. It’s the time of season where I don’t have a girlfriend or someone special in my life.

Maybe one day God will grant me someone to be in my life. If not, then more time for service and sacrifice for Him. I would still prefer to have someone special in my life, but maybe that is not meant to be.

Maybe tomorrow I can buy my guitar after church? Maybe there is a reason for everything. Right now I don’t see a lot of difference in my reality, but maybe things will change soon. That’s my ultimate hope!

8/6/18 – Her The Movie

Strange world we live in. I am watching the movie Her and I still hear kids playing outside. The saddest part is knowing that the movie does not end well. Joaquin Phoenix ends up in love with an AI.

I have a lot of fear about the kids with Heidi right now. Her anorexia is out of control and I’m afraid that she might get into a car wreck and kill them all. It frightens me to think that they will never come back from vacation. The best part of my life was being a dad. I can’t think of anything else that is as rewarding as that. Still the fear comes and goes.

I need to keep focusing on weight and exercise, while getting all the reading done and working through Hebrew. It’s not that easy at my age. I also have to learn Koine. That is even harder.

7/29/18 – Getting Settled In Escondido

The movers did a good job, but it was pricey. AT&T comes tomorrow for the cable and the Internet. My kids will desperately need it. I will also get my car washed and waxed tomorrow as well as get some reading done and start Hebrew.

It’s tough on the kids. It is hot out here and there is always a lot of little kids around, but not so many their age. I hope they enjoy the time here. I will be spending a lot of time studying and working out otherwise no one will date me. I would still like to get married again.

I just hope my children don’t die by their anorexic mother. She keeps getting smaller and I don’t like the look of her anymore. She is getting really small and that is totally unhealthy. At some point in time she will have a heart attack and either kill herself or everyone in the car when it happens. I hope my kids are not around when it does finally take place.

It’s a scary thought to have to bury your children before you die. It’s a dramatic event that I do not relish. I would rather pass asay then let them die, but I can’t change Heidi. She is determined to get out of this world what she put into it – nothing. She took from everyone and destroyed everything of value for a sociopath. Part of my wishes her dead, but the other part wants my children to live.

We shall see how things progress. I don’t what the future will hold!